Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Dark Lightning]

Dayamn.

[Biggus Dickus]

[xSilverPhinx]

[billy rubin]

my favorite delivery of this joke

[joeactor]

my favorite delivery of this joke

[Biggus Dickus]

The man had been in a coma from the car accident now for seven days. His daughter had been traveling overseas when the accident occurred, and was only just now because of traveling issues able to make it to the hospital to check up on her precious Father.

Discussing her Father's case with his doctors they told her that everything possible had been done at that point to bring her Father out of his coma, but nothing seemed to work, and his prognosis didn't look good.

The girl looked at the doctors, and said, "Have you tried this yet?" and then she walked over to the thermostat in the room and adjusted it, at which point her Father opened one eye and said, "What's that yer doing there"?

[Tom62]

 

[hiep]

Jesus Gets pull over by a police man.
Cop: Are you drunk?
Jesus (whispers): My blood is made out of wine.
Cop: ok, get out of the car pal.

[Dark Lightning]

Have you heard about the cannibal who passed his father in the jungle?

[hiep]

Jesus on leg day: Squat a 400 lbs on his his back.

[Magdalena]

Jesus Gets pull over by a police man.
Cop: Are you drunk?
Jesus (whispers): My blood is made out of wine.
Cop: ok, get out of the car pal.

Wait...wait...did someone say, wine?



Hello hiep, welcome to the forum.

[Bad Penny II]

He said that if Trump did withhold nearly $400 million in aid to pressure Ukraine to announce investigations of Democrats to help his campaign, it wasn't an impeachable offense because Trump thinks his election would be to the country's benefit. Therefore, he had no corrupt motive.

[hiep]

I could tell you a joke I've heard from my watch but that would be second-hand information.

[billy rubin]

there was this desk clerk at a lake-side honeymoon hotel way out in the woods. one day a man drove up and checked in.

just you today, sir<

no, my wife is in the car. she's ill, but i just love to fish!

the man helped his infirm wife up the stairs.

next morning he came down before sunrise with his fishing gear. the clerk said

up so early sir?

yes. i just love to fish!

the man stayed out late into the evening, and his wife had food sent in.

the next morning before sunrise the man came down the stairs again.

out fishing again sir?

yes, it's great here, and i just love to fish!

again he stayed out all day, returning well after dark. the wife stayed in the room, nd had food sent in.

the third morning the man came down the stairs before dawn, as before.

out again sir?

oh yes. i just love to fish!

pardon me for asking sir, but you're a bit unusual. this being a honeymoon hotel, most of our guests spend a lot of their time together in the room, getting to know each other better, if you know what i mean . . .

oh, no, my wife is quite ill. in fact, she has a bad case of gonorrhea, so that sort of thing is out for us.

i'm sorry to hear that sir. but, uh, have you ever considered, perhaps, non-vaginal intercourse?

oh no, she has chronic diarrhea , so that is definitiel out as well.

i'm so sorry sir. but, if you don't mind my suggesting, what about oral sex, then?

out, no way. she has terrible trenchmouth, you know.

gonorrhea, diarrhea, and trenchmouth, too? tht's very unfortunate sir. if you don't mind my asking, why did you marry her?

oh, you see, she has a terrific case of worms, and i just love to fish!

[Magdalena]

He said that if Trump did withhold nearly $400 million in aid to pressure Ukraine to announce investigations of Democrats to help his campaign, it wasn't an impeachable offense because Trump thinks his election would be to the country's benefit. Therefore, he had no corrupt motive.