Parents pride thread

[Ali]

Oh Scissorlegs.     Of course I don't have experience parenting a teenage girl, but I do have experience being a teenaged girl with a very engaged father.....I won't go on. 

I think my approach is going to be a mixture of your approach and Asmo's approach.  Talking to my son honestly about sex, and telling him that sex is great, but it's also risky in a lot of ways, not just physically, and I hope that he waits until he really feels ready and does it with people that he genuinely likes, but also if he is going to do it, use a condom; here they are. 

[Amicale]

Oh Scissorlegs.     Of course I don't have experience parenting a teenage girl, but I do have experience being a teenaged girl with a very engaged father.....I won't go on. 

I think my approach is going to be a mixture of your approach and Asmo's approach.  Talking to my son honestly about sex, and telling him that sex is great, but it's also risky in a lot of ways, not just physically, and I hope that he waits until he really feels ready and does it with people that he genuinely likes, but also if he is going to do it, use a condom; here they are. 

I like your approach, Ali. That being said, if he has you, his mom, telling him sex is great and then handing him a box of condoms, he may very well pull the "OMG my mom just said sex was great! Ewwww! She just gave me condoms! Gaaaaah!" routine, and then be traumatized enough to put it off for another little while. 

[Ali]

Oh Scissorlegs.     Of course I don't have experience parenting a teenage girl, but I do have experience being a teenaged girl with a very engaged father.....I won't go on. 

I think my approach is going to be a mixture of your approach and Asmo's approach.  Talking to my son honestly about sex, and telling him that sex is great, but it's also risky in a lot of ways, not just physically, and I hope that he waits until he really feels ready and does it with people that he genuinely likes, but also if he is going to do it, use a condom; here they are. 

I like your approach, Ali. That being said, if he has you, his mom, telling him sex is great and then handing him a box of condoms, he may very well pull the "OMG my mom just said sex was great! Ewwww! She just gave me condoms! Gaaaaah!" routine, and then be traumatized enough to put it off for another little while. 

LOL  That's a great point.  Maybe we should all be grossing our kids out so much that they don't even want to bother with it until they're married.   

[Asmodean]

Maybe we should all be grossing our kids out so much that they don't even want to bother with it until they're married.   

Maybe in stead of wasting time trying to keep kids from having sex, one should consider discouraging them from marriage.

[Ali]

Maybe we should all be grossing our kids out so much that they don't even want to bother with it until they're married.  

Maybe in stead of wasting time trying to keep kids from having sex, one should consider discouraging them from marriage.

 Maybe instead of discouraging kids from marriage, you should just bite me.  

(In case you couldn't tell, that was typed with a smile.)

[Asmodean]

 Maybe instead of discouraging kids from marriage, you should just bite me.  

I sort of did.  

[DeterminedJuliet]

Maybe we should all be grossing our kids out so much that they don't even want to bother with it until they're married.   

Maybe in stead of wasting time trying to keep kids from having sex, one should consider discouraging them from marriage.

Marriage seems to work for some people. I can't say that I'd want to push my son towards it or away from it.

[Amicale]

 Maybe instead of discouraging kids from marriage, you should just bite me.  

I sort of did.  

Get a room, you two!   All these tongues and this biting is just... just... rawr...

[Ali]

 Maybe instead of discouraging kids from marriage, you should just bite me.  

I sort of did.  

Get a room, you two!   All these tongues and this biting is just... just... rawr...

You have a very dirty mind.  I approve. 

[Siz]

No, no, no, no... no! Not for my children thank you. The POSSIBILITY of a happy outcome is not good enough odds for me. I will hold the reigns for as long as I can because I KNOW BETTER than an inexperienced child of 16. When I've held on for too long, they'll let me know.

LOL! At 16, they've likely been having sex for at least a year already. The best you can do is try not to be too controlling about it - you can hardly stop them, so teach them to be safe and get out of their way. Seriously.  

'Sides, being good in bed when you get together with that someone you want to keep might be a nice bonus.

The absence of a strong Father figure hastens physical maturity in girls - FACT. And the reciprocal is true. From my memory of school, it was the girls who had good, engaged Fathers (and strict, but reasonable parents generally) that were less likely to sleep with me(!). I'll go with my experience. I do not accept that we should not attempt to limit sexual activity in our children. Let alone encourage it. Being prepared is a sensible stance, but not before we have tried discouragement.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. The future holds many disappointments for you. I have two daughters. I could have told you from the age of 4 which was going to get in trouble and which one not. The one that won't take advice and only learns by experience is the one you need to worry about.

Maybe. I've got big enough shoulders to own my mistakes. But did you give up on your willful daughter because she wasn't reading from your script?

I'm not sure what you all consider so naive or ridiculous about what I wrote. Please expand.

[Tank]

No, no, no, no... no! Not for my children thank you. The POSSIBILITY of a happy outcome is not good enough odds for me. I will hold the reigns for as long as I can because I KNOW BETTER than an inexperienced child of 16. When I've held on for too long, they'll let me know.

LOL! At 16, they've likely been having sex for at least a year already. The best you can do is try not to be too controlling about it - you can hardly stop them, so teach them to be safe and get out of their way. Seriously.  

'Sides, being good in bed when you get together with that someone you want to keep might be a nice bonus.

The absence of a strong Father figure hastens physical maturity in girls - FACT. And the reciprocal is true. From my memory of school, it was the girls who had good, engaged Fathers (and strict, but reasonable parents generally) that were less likely to sleep with me(!). I'll go with my experience. I do not accept that we should not attempt to limit sexual activity in our children. Let alone encourage it. Being prepared is a sensible stance, but not before we have tried discouragement.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. The future holds many disappointments for you. I have two daughters. I could have told you from the age of 4 which was going to get in trouble and which one not. The one that won't take advice and only learns by experience is the one you need to worry about.

Maybe. I've got big enough shoulders to own my mistakes. But did you give up on your willful daughter because she wasn't reading from your script?

I'm not sure what you all consider so naive or ridiculous about what I wrote. Please expand.

LOL I didn't give up on my wilful daughter. But the sort of help/assistant/parenting she needed was just very different from my other daughter. I had to make sure I was standing by with the 'band aids' rather than the instruction manual. Also one needed to put her in situation that she could learn by engagement and above all felt she could come to her parents and tell one or other of us what was going on. No kid reads from a parents script, they are their own person and parents need to be flexible enough to guide their kids.

The bit I though slightly naive (and I was just like you) was the idea that you can control your kids. You may be able to control their physical environment for a few years but what are they going to do when you aren't there? I thoroughly enjoyed my kids growing up and investigating their individuality. Looking back they were always more mature than I gave them credit for.

[Ali]

No, no, no, no... no! Not for my children thank you. The POSSIBILITY of a happy outcome is not good enough odds for me. I will hold the reigns for as long as I can because I KNOW BETTER than an inexperienced child of 16. When I've held on for too long, they'll let me know.

LOL! At 16, they've likely been having sex for at least a year already. The best you can do is try not to be too controlling about it - you can hardly stop them, so teach them to be safe and get out of their way. Seriously.  

'Sides, being good in bed when you get together with that someone you want to keep might be a nice bonus.

The absence of a strong Father figure hastens physical maturity in girls - FACT. And the reciprocal is true. From my memory of school, it was the girls who had good, engaged Fathers (and strict, but reasonable parents generally) that were less likely to sleep with me(!). I'll go with my experience. I do not accept that we should not attempt to limit sexual activity in our children. Let alone encourage it. Being prepared is a sensible stance, but not before we have tried discouragement.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. The future holds many disappointments for you. I have two daughters. I could have told you from the age of 4 which was going to get in trouble and which one not. The one that won't take advice and only learns by experience is the one you need to worry about.

Maybe. I've got big enough shoulders to own my mistakes. But did you give up on your willful daughter because she wasn't reading from your script?

I'm not sure what you all consider so naive or ridiculous about what I wrote. Please expand.

I agree with Tank.  I don't think that you will be able to stop your children from having sex if they are really set on the idea by the time that they are in their mid-teens.  And that's not at all a reflection of you as a father.  I'm sure you're a wonderful father; the fact that you are so engaged and proud of them makes it obvious.  But, the reality is that human beings reach sexual maturity in their teens, along with all of the urges and hormones and desires that go with that.  If saying "no, you shouldn't/mustn't, now is not a good time" was all that effective for anybody (including adults, let alone impulsive dramatic teenagers), we wouldn't have a need for birth control, we all just wouldn't have sex except for when it's "the right time."  You see that ever working?  Me either..

So the way I look at it is, what are the risks of teenage sex?  The way I see it, there are STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and broken hearts.  Hopefully arming our kids with condoms and knowledge will protect them kids from the unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

And as for the broken hearts, well, there really isn't any way to protect from that, is there?  And if there is, I don't really think it's a good thing.  I've had my heart good and broken 4 times in my life, once by a partner, once by a firend, and twice by loss, and each time was horrible and devastating, but I survived, and in retrospect I'm not sorry that I had those experiences or loved those people, even if it meant that I had to get my heart broken in the end.  It's like that scene in Little Nemo.  Nemo's dad says (about Nemo) "I promised him that I would never let anything happen to him!"  And Dorie says "That's a funny thing to promise.  If nothing ever happens to him, nothing will ever happen to him."

[DeterminedJuliet]

I'll also add my two cents to say that I have no interest in discouraging my son from sex as a teenager. And I'd feel the same way if I had a daughter. It's part of the human experience and, no matter what any adults does about it, most people lose their virginity in their teenage years.

But I'm generally a very "sex positive" person. I think a lot of our sex-negativity is a social hang-over from religion, personally.

[Amicale]

I'll also add my two cents to say that I have no interest in discouraging my son from sex as a teenager. And I'd feel the same way if I had a daughter. It's part of the human experience and, no matter what any adults does about it, most people lose their virginity in their teenage years.

But I'm generally a very "sex positive" person. I think a lot of our sex-negativity is a social hang-over from religion, personally.

I'm with you folks on this issue. I don't want to stop my daughter from living her life in general; I just want to teach her what she needs to know so that she's armed with good information and can make smart choices when she decides to do something. Whether it's teaching her about the dangers of drinking/driving, or texting/driving, or having safer sex... I want her to know what her options are. I also want her to know that one of those options is saying "NO" when she feels uncomfortable, doesn't feel ready, etc. It's AWESOME for parents to be sex positive and I believe I am (heck, I'm addicted to Dan Savage, lol) but I also want to be realistic.

Just because I won't stop her from having sex when she's 16 or 17 doesn't mean I want her to do it with someone for the wrong reasons, or just to get it over with. Her dad and I want to teach her to respect herself, and respect her friends (and later her partners), and to use the best judgment possible so she can make good decisions. But because we all screw up, she's also going to know that as long as either of her parents are alive on this planet, if she EVER needs a safe "out" and needs to bail and get picked up from a party, or a guy's house, she's got a ride out of there.

Eh, I'm rambling, I know. I want to protect her, but mostly I want her to feel loved and valued, and for her to make the sorts of decisions she will be proud of. I want her to respect herself, and others, and to learn as much as she can. And I know that all of you want that for your kids too... it's what makes us proud of our kids, knowing that they're growing into awesome people, one day at a time.

[Siz]

You're all right, of course. But I still don't like it!