Author Topic: new member with a problem  (Read 117 times)

dil

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new member with a problem
« on: July 17, 2007, 07:30:07 PM »
Hi all, I'm a new member looking for advice.  

Religious mother-in-law moving in.  I am no longer "tolerant" of the delusion of religion and beliefs, probably as a knee-jerk reaction to the way this country has gone over the last several years.  

Any words of advice?

Thanks, daughter-in-law
« Last Edit: January 01, 1970, 01:00:00 AM by dil »

MommaSquid

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« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2007, 08:33:55 PM »
Is not letting her move in with you an option?

You don't say if your husband shares your opinion of religion, so I don't know what kind of support you will have.  If you and your spouse don't agree, you truly have a problem.
« Last Edit: January 01, 1970, 01:00:00 AM by MommaSquid »

dil

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« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2007, 09:08:59 PM »
Not letting her in is not an option.  We had offered nearly 10 years ago, and now she is taking us up on our offer.

My husband is not religious (I think I talked and questioned the entire belief thing out of him in the early years of our marriage), but he is upset that I seem to be so "intolerant" of very religious people.  Let's just say that Sam Harris is my hero!

My biggest concerns are how to handle any questions she may come up about my "beliefs" and what if I accidently say something that offends her.  Well, I'm sure I have more concerns than those, but that's a start.
« Last Edit: January 01, 1970, 01:00:00 AM by dil »

MommaSquid

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« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2007, 09:32:48 PM »
Quote from: "dil"
Not letting her in is not an option.  We had offered nearly 10 years ago, and now she is taking us up on our offer.


You have the right to change your mind.  If she hasn't already moved in, you may want to try to make other arrangements.  You already have doubts and seem uncomfortable with the situation.

Assuming she does move in, before she arrives, you should discuss with your husband what sort of behavior you will not tolerate in your home.  If you have children, I assume they have rules to follow...why should your mother-in-law be any different?

I do not allow smoking in my home.  Maybe you don't want to allow audible prayer in yours.  Or religious TV stations.  Whatever it is that is going to rub you the wrong way about your mother-in-law's religious habits, you should discuss openly with your husband.  That way the two of you can present a unified front when you talk to his mom.

I hope this helps.
« Last Edit: January 01, 1970, 01:00:00 AM by MommaSquid »

Whitney

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« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2007, 01:31:14 AM »
If she isn't already in the process of moving in and you can afford to help her, or if she can afford it, make other arrangements (hiring a nurse, active senior housing, assisted living etc) I'd kindly tell her that your lives are a lot different than when you offered 10 years ago and that although you all love her you think it would be best if she did X instead.

If she has to move in with you, I wouldn't worry about offending her because you simply can't live your life pretending to be someone you are not.  Basically, it's time to come out of the atheist closet; or at least the agnostic one.  At worst she'll be upset that the two of you aren't religious but that's a much better situation imo than having to live a lie.
« Last Edit: January 01, 1970, 01:00:00 AM by Whitney »