Only in America . . .

[Dave]

"Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous. Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnet County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.   

The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. He explained: "as there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around" he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need.   'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident embarrassment. 

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. 'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.' 

Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ... 'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked. me straight in the face and said:  'A pumpkin? Shit ... is it midnight already?' 

The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter.  Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10 and sent on his way.  The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as "The best come-back line ever."

[Dave]

https://youtu.be/NxqTzBDNaCo

https://youtu.be/7zPnTtF0Wk8

[Dave]

https://youtu.be/2af4gcS-b9Y

[hermes2015]

https://youtu.be/2af4gcS-b9Y

Oh, thank you for bringing this to my attention, Dave. I've rushed through my order for anointing oil from the Holy Land.

[Dave]

Actually, some of the African mega churches are as bad so it is unfair of me to single out America in this instance!

PS, this is meant to be less than serious, folks.

[Dave]

https://youtu.be/2af4gcS-b9Y

Oh, thank you for bringing this to my attention, Dave. I've rushed through my order for anointing oil from the Holy Land.

Wonder which Israeli olive plantation friend of the pastor is shipping truckloads of dollars to the bank. That's unless is Floridan, Californian, Texan . . . Walmart oil of course.

[xSilverPhinx]

"Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous. Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnet County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.   

The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. He explained: "as there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around" he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need.   'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident embarrassment. 

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. 'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.' 

Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ... 'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked. me straight in the face and said:  'A pumpkin? Shit ... is it midnight already?' 

The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter.  Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10 and sent on his way.  The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as "The best come-back line ever."

[Icarus]

I thought the pumpkin episode was hilarious.  I steadfastly deny any first hand knowledge of such things but I am told that it works with watermelons too. 

The preacher vid was not hilarious, in fact I know that there are criminally deranged MFers, pretending to be credentialed theological messengers, who do that kind of vomit rocket sermon.........

Damn ! I watched that video before dinner.  Yuuuk!

[xSilverPhinx]

https://youtu.be/2af4gcS-b9Y

This can't be for real. 

[jumbojak]

I like the rat trap.

[Dave]

https://youtu.be/2af4gcS-b9Y

This can't be for real.

Oh yes it can - and is.

[Dave]

"Police work can be entertaining as well as dangerous. Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnet County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.   

The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. He explained: "as there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around" he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need.   'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident embarrassment. 

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him. 'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.' 

Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence ... 'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked. me straight in the face and said:  'A pumpkin? Shit ... is it midnight already?' 

The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter.  Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10 and sent on his way.  The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as "The best come-back line ever."

Taking that midnight reference to its logical conclusion . . . He thought he was having sex with a . . carriage?

[Biggus Dickus]

So as you can see from the online dating post from "Country Girl" she loves to go "hunting fishing camping" though I'm not sure I know exactly what that is,...anyway she also enjoys long walks on the beach and in the rain.

She sounds lovely so far I know...however after this it gets a little muddled. For starters, and based on the body of the post I can only conclude that "Country Girl" like our beloved Sister Agatha is also a teacher.

Someone I'm guessing who specializes in "American Southern Grammar and Stuff".

It also appears that she doesn't date outside her "Race", but only if "Ur" married. So apparently if "Ur" outside her "Race", but single she may be interested?

I cropped out her full picture for this posting, however. If any of you lads are interested please PM me, and I can send you the full picture and link.

Good Luck

[Dave]

Her command of English (even allowing for "textpeek") is, how to describe it  . . .

Does, "Utter crap" fit, or should it be a little more definite?

But, she is in good company with the French it seems, at least one in five cannot fill in a cheque, or even a check, or read a recipe acvording to a recent report. And, yeah, British kids have their problems as well . . .

[Biggus Dickus]

Her command of English (even allowing for "textpeek") is, how to describe it  . . .

Does, "Utter crap" fit, or should it be a little more definite?

But, she is in good company with the French it seems, at least one in five cannot fill in a cheque, or even a check, or read a recipe acvording to a recent report. And, yeah, British kids have their problems as well . . .

So I take it you're interested Dave?

I mean you're the right "Race" and "Stuff", but I don't know how she'd feel about dating one of you "Englishmen"?...plus since she'd have to learn to speak english, there would be the whole language barrier thing to contend with, unless you want to learn to speak "M'erican"?