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I can make you believe in thirty minutes.

Started by Hector Valdez, April 29, 2012, 09:03:18 PM

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Hector Valdez

A few days ago, a customer asked me if I believed in Jesus. He wore the traditional garb, a t-shirt with a religious slogan, and a cross around his neck. His cheeks bulged with fat as he spoke, and he extended his hand to shake mine. "You believe in Jesus Christ, yes?"

"No." My tongue felt thick. The words plopped out of my mouth and slapped him in the face. No doubt he wanted to know the reason. The other customers glared at us both. A few shifted from foot to foot, while others buried their noses in gossip magazines and auto customs.

"I see...but why not, friend? Jesus was a great man. I love him with all my heart."

"I don't doubt that."

"You should too, for all he did for you."

"I don't hold that against him." He looked at me. I looked at him. The items sat, sacked inside plastic bags and thrown casually inside the metal basket. He had quite a bit of change.

"I can make you believe in thirty minutes."

"I don't hold that against you."

Tank

If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Hector Valdez

Yes. I know believe in Jesus Christ as my savior, for all time, unto the end of the world.
(No.)

Stevil

Quote from: RenegeReversi on April 29, 2012, 09:03:18 PM
A few days ago, a customer asked me if I believed in Jesus.
Do you often get people asking if you believe in Jesus?
I don't think anyone has asked me that question, ever.


BTW: That was very well written.

Hector Valdez

In truth, that fool was a first for me. The days stretch into the past, my knowing the church. A debate would have ended at the bottom of a rabbit hole, and I much preferred to help the other clients.

Strange, just a few months ago, I would have answered "yes". Also, thank you, stevil.

Firebird

Agreed, very compelling. Just be careful, I would hate to see you get in trouble with your employer.
"Great, replace one book about an abusive, needy asshole with another." - Will (moderator) on replacing hotel Bibles with "Fifty Shades of Grey"

Sweetdeath

This same thing happened to me two days ago, except i was buying hair bleach and the person behind the counter asked me if i believed in christ whilst grasing my hand. Uuuugggh.

People really suck.
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

The Magic Pudding

Thirty minutes!
What century was this guy from?
If he can't get his time under thirty seconds he's got no hope.
He needs to get a TV and watch some modern commercials.
Your modern marketing guy doesn't let a crappy product slow him down.

DeterminedJuliet

Puddin' has a point. Doesn't this guy know that our attention spans are ruined? If he wants to get his message across, his best bet is to reduce it into an internet meme.

The only time I've been directly asked by a stranger if I believed in Jesus was when I was a teenager. I went to Massachusetts for a high school competition thingy - there was a guy there from Kansas who I talked to briefly, but we didn't exactly become best friends. I think he might have had a crush on me. About a week after we all returned home, he sent me a very direct e-mail asking me if I believed in Jesus. At the time I did, so I told him so. He replied "good. it's always good to know that I'll get to see the people that I like in this life in the next life."

And then I never heard from him again. 

Very strange.

I think you have to be in a weird head-space to approach someone you don't know like that. I think it's takes more oddness than your average theist has on any given day.   
"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

OldGit

Quote from: DJI think you have to be in a weird head-space to approach someone you don't know like that. I think it's takes more oddness than your average theist has on any given day.

Even more so in Europe.  It would be very odd indeed.  Shop staff would probably get into deep doo-doo if there were complaints - and I'm sure there would be.

Asmodean

Quote from: RenegeReversi on April 29, 2012, 09:03:18 PM
"I can make you believe in thirty minutes."
Here is where The Asmo says "A hundred bucks says you can't" and they always fail to follow up with a "Challenge accepted"... Whatever happened to putting your money where your mouth is?
Quote from: Ecurb Noselrub on July 25, 2013, 08:18:52 PM
In Asmo's grey lump,
wrath and dark clouds gather force.
Luxembourg trembles.

OldGit

It's quite fun to do this to telephone cold-callers.  Just ignore whatever they're saying and ask if they know the lord jesus christ as their saviour.  In the end they'll give up and ring off.  Except once when the bugger said "Yes, I do" and I rang off.

Siz

The only time I've been approached was on a Sunday morning on a train. I'd been out at a members-only fetish/goth/industrial club in London all night. Dressed in leather, metal all over my face, still wired from amphetamines, hung-over from the whiskey, exhausted from the dancing and no doubt my eyeliner had run - I surely must have looked like a case for salvation. So this softly spoken mid twenties fella made a b-line for me and invited me to his church meeting. He said I "looked like I could use some help". I started trying to protest my inner well-being (it had been a bloody good night as always), but gave up, partly through being incapable of speach, and partly apathy. "No thanks, I'm fine" and a smile was all I offered him. He left me alone after that.

I was impressed at the time by his genuine good character and reasonable approach. As I look back on it though I think what a wanker for pitying me because I looked like I'd been cavorting with Satan...

When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!

Anti-antidisestablishmentarianism

Nobody has directly asked me if I believe in Christ. Though I am in the bible belt so you are suppossed to be a Christian by default here.  Saturday a man did walk up to my two friends and I and said Jesus loves you give me a hug.  He hugged those two.  I just looked at him and said I'm atheist.  He then told me aww Jesus loves you anyway.  I said yeah Jesus is a lie as I walked away.  I try not to get angry about this sort of thing, but they shove it down your throat here.  My thinking is I don't know you and don't want to know you why in the hell would the first impression be about Christ.  yeah I'm good thank you.  On the subject of using a meme to convert... maybe Christ breading.  Ooh I know! You could replace his beard with Texas toast.  Hell I'd convert for some jesus toast.
"All murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets." -Voltaire
"By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out". Richard Dawkins

fester30

What I hear the most in central Arkansas is "if you died right now do you know if you'd go to heaven?"  I just tell them that if there were a heaven and hell I'd be going to hell for sure.  They're usually surprised.  Then I talk to them about how, if you're born in po-dunk China where you never hear about Jesus, and if the only way to heaven is through Jesus, and if God is all-powerful, yet still allows those people to go to hell through no fault of their own, then he is a jerk, so I'll go to hell on principle rather than follow that jerk.  There's not much they can say about that, except something that makes God sound racist because we must be the chosen people, and those Muslims and others obviously aren't, since we're the only ones that get that privilege of hearing about Jesus.

Yeah, anyway.  fun.