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My name is Brant, but I am here for my wife.

Started by Wigglez, March 01, 2009, 08:23:00 AM

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Wigglez

Greetings fellow logical thinkers,

My name is Brant, better known across the internets as Wigglez. The best way to get to know me is probably my myspace at www.myspace.com/thewigglez Also I am a moderator at another forum called sickfucksunited.com

I am 24 years old, from McKinney, TX and in a pickle to say the least. My 28 year old wife was recently diagnosed with cancer. And instead of retype this all I will link you to our site/blog that details our situation.

Site:
http://saveamanda.com
Blog:
http://www.saveamanda.blogspot.com/

Basically I cam to this site and others like it to prove that I can find real world solutions to my wifes problems without god. If you read the blogs you will see wha the 'christians' in my life have done to me. We consider ourselves atheist and are tired of the whole 'Ill pray for you' copout. So check out my myspace have a read of my blog and most importantly check out my website for my wife.

And feel free to repost this story anywhere you think will help.

McQ

Brant, welcome to the forum. Sorry for the reason you are here, but maybe we can help you. I'll get right to the meat and potatoes, here. I'm a hematology/oncology consultant for a biotech company. Connections to lots of people in the worldwide oncology community. Some of my advice:

First, I was going to advise you to make sure you find a good surgeon and medical oncologist. So you've already got that out of the way. Well done. Dr. Canavan is affiliated with Baylor, and that's not only good, but great. Baylor, and Presby are excellent. She will also have the resources of the best medical oncologists on her team. Also great.

Next, you and Amanda need to learn everything you can about this disease. I mean everything. Ask so many questions of qualified people (your doctors, nurses, etc.) that you drive them crazy!

Ask about all avenues of treatment, and especially about whether or not Amanda is eligible to enroll in any clinical trials that Baylor may be doing. Clinical trials are how new and better cancer treatments come about. She may not need to be enrolled, but at least be aware of the options. Her Stage IIIb Invasive Ductal Carcinoma is cureable. It is a far cry from being a slam dunk, as you already know. In fact, it's probably going to be a bitch of a fight. A lot depends on whether or not her cancer has metastasized. Dr. Canavan will be prepared no matter if it has or not. Another positive.

Don't let outside influences distract you from your only goal: curing Amanda's cancer. Ask your medical team, especially the nurses, for all the help you can get. There are tons of support foundations for breast cancer. Use all of them that are within your reach. Also, there are co-pay foundations that are available to defray the costs of medical co-pays that you will incur. Medicaid looks like it's part of what you'll be using, so ask the social workers (or patient advocates) on the medical team for their help. They can also help find free drugs through the patient assistance programs of the various companies that make the chemo and other drugs. Ask for it all. Make them ask the foundations and companies for help.

And back to the beginning of my last paragraph, understand that you have only one goal. Cure. You are not looking for a little help, or a few more years with a decent quality of life. You are looking for a cure. Anything that gets between you and that goal needs to be pushed aside.

Lastly, feel free to PM me for any questions. I'm not a doctor, or qualified person to give you medical advice, but I can help steer you towards those people. Looks like I won't need to as you hit paydirt on the first try!  :)  As for putting up so much detailed medical information about Amanda on your blog and site, I don't recommend doing that. Yes, I know you want people to believe what you're saying, but you have no idea how that type of information can be used to hurt you and Amanda. Please take it down, or black out personal details! It's less important that certain people believe you and more important that you prevent some ill-intentioned person from taking that information and using it to do anything from ID theft to hurting you personally.

Stick around here and keep your goal clear!

Another site for help would be "Godless Grief", which has some resources for finding assistance to sick or hurting people. http://www.godlessgrief.com/forum/index.php
Elvis didn't do no drugs!
--Penn Jillette

Will

Wow, McQ, that's a ton of great information!

I don't really have a lot to add. Just remember to either bring a recording device or a pad and paper when you ask your doctor your questions so you don't forget anything. There's going to be a ton of information available to you and you don't want to miss a scintilla. Also, be sure that your different doctors are in constant communication.

Quest with eternal vigilance for the cure, and make sure you have wonderful quality time with each other as much as possible.

Our thoughts are with you guys, and I'll also make myself available via PM in case you need anything.
I want bad people to look forward to and celebrate the day I die, because if they don't, I'm not living up to my potential.

joeactor

Very sorry to hear about your wife's illness.
McQ seems to have some great advice.

Not sure how I can help, but I will keep you both in my thoughts.

This forum has some very giving people, that's for sure.

JoeActor

Whitney

Hi Brant,

I don't really have much to add.  My step mother recently had to fight off breast cancer which had spread to her lymph nodes.  She is doing much better now but it took over a year's worth of chemo.  So my only helpful bit of advice is to do what you can to remain positive no matter how far away the cure may seem.  Your outlook toward's your wife's cancer will have an affect on her outlook and thinking positively can help the healing process.

If you need a to be around more free thinkers, there are at least 5 freethought groups in the DFW area which you can find on www.meetup.com  I'd also suggest looking there if you need to find a support group for those dealing with cancer.

Kylyssa

I'm an atheist who has gone through a lot of illness, hardship, and injury in a Christian country.  I am sick to f-ing death of people offering to pray for me, too, so I really understand that feeling.  Some days, it's all I can do to avoid lashing out at people who want to pretend they are helping by mouthing useless nothings.  

Regarding your specific situation, I'm not a medical professional of any kind but I have a crapload of experience being sick.  

What has been of enormous emotional help to me is having people to vent to (other than just my partner) who aren't religious nuts.  It's really helped with my attitude and a positive outlook is helpful to health.        

It has also been helpful that my partner stills treats me like a partner.  He asks my help with sedentary tasks and mental efforts now instead of the physical ones I just can't manage.  I know what he's doing, but it makes me feel capable and useful anyway.  When so much else in your life is out of control, it really helps to feel like you've got something you are accomplishing.

Sickness is very trying on self-image, especially when your body experiences obvious physical changes.  I was able to pretend to myself I wasn't sick until my hair all fell out.  It sounds trite, but hearing that someone still finds you attractive is heartening.

Removing unhealthy influences (pessimists, religious nuts, people who don't understand that sick people are, well, sick) from my environment has been another great move.

Doing those things that are enjoyable that one is still able to do is also a great mood booster.  Finding new things to enjoy has also helped.  I've replaced some of the activities I used to do (but no longer can) with different ones.

Cemetery

Keep your focus, ignore the bible thumpers, & concentrate on realistic solutions to your problem.  Welcome to the site, btw.

~C