In the closet child atheist

[aliasalias]

As the title says, I'm an In-the-closet child atheist. I live in houston Texas, and I'm in a school where the kids literally hate atheists and homosexuals (I'm not even kidding). My homophobic and racist parents indoctrinated me when I was young. When I started losing my faith, I always had this fear in my mind of hell, I thought my doubt was just satan. I had nightmares. Everytime something sad happened (like me finding out I was gay, but that's another story), I would think I would lose the belief in the bible without evidence. It was so hard to believe the naturalistic idea of the big band, abiogenises, evolution, and other pre-history, to be under the bible in merit of truth. I'm never going to reveal my atheism to my parents, ever. They'd hurt me. I think dogma is the root of all evil. I imagine a place where I can be atheist and gay and not be made fun of. I hear storys of love and I cry so much knowing I'll never feel them, because gay people are made fun of and ridiculed. I'd rather be in-the-closet and pretend my sexual partners are men rather than women than be exiled from society like that. That's my un-edited rambling.

[Kylyssa]

Oh sweetie, eventually you'll be on your own and you can either move somewhere more liberal or find a support group in your area.

In a situation like yours, I suggest you stay right in that closet until you are on your own.  If your parents are like you describe them anything else would be unsafe.  Be very careful about covering your online tracks and get rid of your browsing history and cookies.  Just be confident in what you know to be the truth and love yourself.  Don't buy into the hate the people around you spread.  

Don't despair of ever finding love.  It made me tear up reading that.  There are people you can be yourself with, lots of them.  You just don't have easy access to them yet.  Yes, homosexuals are ridiculed and made fun of - by idiots and jerks.  Who cares what idiots and jerks think?  

Don't despair.  There's more to life than the narrow, bigoted people you've been raised among.  Things are changing, too.  I don't know how old you are but things have been getting better and I am confident that they will get even better.  People are growing in confidence in speaking out against hate and bigotry of all sorts.  

(((Big Hugs)))
Kylyssa

[LoneMateria]

Well welcome to the forums.  Here you will find tolerance and like minded people.  When you are old enough I suggest going to college out of state.  When you get out of that type of environment you will see the world is a better place.  ^_^

[Lea]

I was writing a post, but then I realized it was almost exactly like Kylyssa's.  

So all I want to say is:

(((HUGS!)))

From me too.

[Whitney]

As Kylyssa said, where you live now is not how things are everywhere.  The hard part is getting through till you are old enough to go to university where people are much more rational and tend not to have issues with someone having a different belief or being gay.  When you reach that point, I suggest getting out of the Bible Belt and going to one of the more liberal states...there are pockets of reason here in Texas (like Austin and parts of DFW) but they aren't really the kind of break you will need from stupid after dealing with what you are currently having to worry with.  Btw, if and when you are old enough to drive, there are atheist and gay groups you can go to in Houston for in person support....you aren't alone it just may feel like you are at your school.

Welcome to HAF

[Thom Phelps]

Welcome! It may seem like it's never going to end (the secrets, the wanting to tell-but-can't) but it will. And sooner than you think. When you're old enough, like the others said, get out. If university isn't in your future as a vehicle for escaping Houston (and Texas altogether), don't depair! There are plenty of jobs outside of the Bible Belt. And plenty of people who've gone through the same thing. (I grew up in Central Texas and bear the scars of some wrathful Southern Baptists.)

[Reginus]

Heh. Christians tend to ignore how there are a grand total of 7-8 verses in the Bible about homosexuality, as opposed to the hundreds about gluttony. Of course, about 28% of Texans are obese.

Anyway, welcome to the forums. If there's anything we can help you with, feel free to ask.

[Sheeplauncher]

Welcome. Like everyone else said just ride it out and eventually you will find like minded people

[Sophus]

Welcome aboard. I hope we can serve as a somewhat tangible community for you.

If you are certain you wish to remain closeted then do be sure to clear the history and cookies on your browser. Also, I've heard a number of stories from homosexuals telling of how surprised they were by their parents reaction to their coming out. It's no garauntee that it would be true for you, but it is a possibility. People are more likely to have a change of heart if it's a child or loved one.

[iNow]

Hi aliasalias,

Tracieh made a blog post this morning which reminded me of your introduction.  I thought you might enjoy the short read.  All the best.  


http://atheistexperience.blogspot.com/2 ... -camp.html

For the record, though, James and his friend, living as closeted atheist minors in their religious parents’ homes, do not represent a situation that is as rare as you might suspect. It’s fair to say that this represents one of the more familiar categories of letters we receive regularly on the AETV-listâ€"minors writing in to say “I’m afraid my family will find out,” or to ask “how should I break the news to my parents?”   <more at the link>

[quizlixx]

Welcome to the forum. I was also a young closeted atheist from the bible belt until a year ago. After i told them, everything was about the same, except now i make hell jokes. It really depends on your age as to whether you should tell them or not, i was 15 and it worked out well. The conclusion that i came to is "I would rather live my life on my terms than fear the wrath of others."

[Renegnicat]

Living on your own is a scary thing, I know. I live in Texas as well, but I don't think it's as bad as it is in houston. I would leave the state too, if it weren't for the fact that California is in shambles, and the city im living in right now is one of the seven cities in the nation that haven't been hit by the recession, at least nowhere near as hard as other places.

Plus, I love my city. San Antonio isn't like houston. There's a lot of red-necks, for sure, but the community view towards gays and atheists in my school wasn't too bad. There were open gays at my high school, and I came out as an atheist my freshman year.

Then again, I got off on the arguing that I got into at school. I view argument as a sport, not something to be taken seriously. Of course, I'm not reccomending that you come out, or anything. If it's as bad as you say it is, moving out of state might not be a bad idea. But there are plenty of communities in San Antonio where homosexuality won't make one a pariah. Of course, there's plenty where it would...  

[nikkmichalski]

Eventually, you can go somewhere far, far away. I live in a place similar, but much less severe, where I have 3 or 4 supportive atheist friends. Gays in my school are still completely ostracized. Remember you'll always have a sanctuary here!

[Whitney]

aliasalias, I don't know if you are of driving age yet (or if you have a car and are allowed to go places on your own).  But there is apparently a very strong network of freethinkers in Houston; maybe you could get away for a few hours to the security of such a group from time to time.  I'll have more information next weekend after I return from a trip to the area to help present information on Camp Quest Texas.