Our basic instincts or something more?

[Sweetdeath]

^^ Nope... I was thinking somebody hasn't really read all of Sweetdeath's posts. 

[Sweetdeath]

Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.

In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.

My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.

yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD

[Asmodean]

Well, at least according to me, there is nothing wrong with new love and/or new sex.

[Sweetdeath]

Well, at least according to me, there is nothing wrong with new love and/or new sex.

Same.
I suppose there aren't many people who think like us. they think one mate for life is enough. i don't get that...

[Asmodean]

Oh, it can be enough, but me, I prefer commitment-free sex.

[Sweetdeath]

Oh, it can be enough, but me, I prefer commitment-free sex.

Good times. *sips tea*

[Amicale]

Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.

In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.

My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.

yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD

SD, this isn't a dig at you at all, but just a comment on the idea that 'warm and fuzzy feelings' equals love and romance. I believe that's a part of it, the warm, fuzzy high you get at the beginning of a relationship... but in the long run, it goes way deeper than that, I think. It's being completely comfortable with someone, trusting them, laughing with them, wanting to look after them and wanting the best for them, being there for the ins and outs, ups and downs, etc. When the warm fuzzies go away, so many people seem to assume that means the romance and love are over. In reality, it's just in the next stage - the longterm, day to day love.

[Asmodean]

Yes, you see, I find that long term thing no different to a close friendship with benefits. And sleeping with a friend does not mean you can not/should not sleep with other people too.

[En_Route]

Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.

In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.

My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.

yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD

SD, this isn't a dig at you at all, but just a comment on the idea that 'warm and fuzzy feelings' equals love and romance. I believe that's a part of it, the warm, fuzzy high you get at the beginning of a relationship... but in the long run, it goes way deeper than that, I think. It's being completely comfortable with someone, trusting them, laughing with them, wanting to look after them and wanting the best for them, being there for the ins and outs, ups and downs, etc. When the warm fuzzies go away, so many people seem to assume that means the romance and love are over. In reality, it's just in the next stage - the longterm, day to day love.

That's my experience too, but plainly it's not for everyone.

[Sweetdeath]

Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.

In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.

My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.

yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD

SD, this isn't a dig at you at all, but just a comment on the idea that 'warm and fuzzy feelings' equals love and romance. I believe that's a part of it, the warm, fuzzy high you get at the beginning of a relationship... but in the long run, it goes way deeper than that, I think. It's being completely comfortable with someone, trusting them, laughing with them, wanting to look after them and wanting the best for them, being there for the ins and outs, ups and downs, etc. When the warm fuzzies go away, so many people seem to assume that means the romance and love are over. In reality, it's just in the next stage - the longterm, day to day love.

That's my experience too, but plainly it's not for everyone.

nope, it's not. and i dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting to deal with other people's bullshit and family affairs. 

[En_Route]

Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.

In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.

My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.

yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD

SD, this isn't a dig at you at all, but just a comment on the idea that 'warm and fuzzy feelings' equals love and romance. I believe that's a part of it, the warm, fuzzy high you get at the beginning of a relationship... but in the long run, it goes way deeper than that, I think. It's being completely comfortable with someone, trusting them, laughing with them, wanting to look after them and wanting the best for them, being there for the ins and outs, ups and downs, etc. When the warm fuzzies go away, so many people seem to assume that means the romance and love are over. In reality, it's just in the next stage - the longterm, day to day love.

That's my experience too, but plainly it's not for everyone.

nope, it's not. and i dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting to deal with other people's bullshit and family affairs. 

Well you know me , I don't think there's anything wrong with anything. We've all got to plough our own furrow.

[Ali]

Heh... I don't see the problem, really... If you want to have multiple partners but your current partner does not, do what is sensible when two parties want very different things - end the relationship and find another.

In my experience, some people enjoy this sort of romantic notion of two people together forever, in love to the end etc, etc... In my unrelated experience, the warm and fuzzy inevitably goes away. If not entirely, at least for the most part.

My point is: It doesn't matter if it's instinct, upbringing or whatever. What matters is what you do with it, and only you can be a fair judge of that from your own point of view.

yeah, maybe i'm just dull, but i don't believe in romance. first time experiences can only happen so few times. In 10, 20 years, i'll probably still love her but want more than just her. it's not an insult to her, just that i feel like warm and fuzzy feelings can only go for so long. XD

SD, this isn't a dig at you at all, but just a comment on the idea that 'warm and fuzzy feelings' equals love and romance. I believe that's a part of it, the warm, fuzzy high you get at the beginning of a relationship... but in the long run, it goes way deeper than that, I think. It's being completely comfortable with someone, trusting them, laughing with them, wanting to look after them and wanting the best for them, being there for the ins and outs, ups and downs, etc. When the warm fuzzies go away, so many people seem to assume that means the romance and love are over. In reality, it's just in the next stage - the longterm, day to day love.

That's my experience too, but plainly it's not for everyone.

nope, it's not. and i dont think there is anything wrong with not wanting to deal with other people's bullshit and family affairs. 

Well you know me , I don't think there's anything wrong with anything. We've all got to plough our own furrow.

In Game of Thrones, plowing is a metaphor for sex.  So what you said was appropriate in more ways than one.   

Anyway, I also wanted to comment about the warm fuzzies leaving after a while....I think that this is and isn't true.  I think relationships have a sort of cyclical shape if you stick with them.  They sort of ebb and flow, so while sometimes I feel less warm and fuzzy towards my Husband, other times I'm all about him, and we've been together for over 9 years.  I think that it's a natural part of life that you go through ups and downs together.  The things that you get from a long term committed relationship are different that the things you get from a shiny new one, but IMO the long term benefits are better.  I love being able to communicate with my partner with the merest flicker of my eyes.  I love seeing many of the things I love about my husband (and some of the things that drive me nuts) reflected in our little boy.  I love this house that I could never afford just on my own salary.  LMAO!   There are so many things I love about being in a sort of forever friends with benefits relationship.  It's fine if it's not for you, but don't discount it just because it's not your personal preference.

[Sweetdeath]

I think your relationship is pretty awesome , Ali. I would never discredit it. I am only stating that there is more than just one type of relationship preference. 

I enjoy discussing the different experiences of relationships. I suppose i've seen so many long term relationships either fall apart or grow distant and stale.

i know that isn't everyone though. i would try to not generalize.

[DeterminedJuliet]

Anyway, I also wanted to comment about the warm fuzzies leaving after a while....I think that this is and isn't true.  I think relationships have a sort of cyclical shape if you stick with them.  They sort of ebb and flow, so while sometimes I feel less warm and fuzzy towards my Husband, other times I'm all about him, and we've been together for over 9 years.  I think that it's a natural part of life that you go through ups and downs together.

I agree with this. Hubby and I have been together for 7 years now and he still gives me the warm fuzzies. We're pretty comfortable, too, of course. But I have days when I "crush" on him just as hard as when I first met him.

Edit: Also, don't worry SD, I don't take anything that anyone says about my relationship personally. People can think whatever they like, but they don't have to live it, so any negative opinions are pretty irrelevant to me (I mean that in the nicest way possible).

[Ecurb Noselrub]

Well you know me , I don't think there's anything wrong with anything. We've all got to plough our own furrow.

So you and Stevil are on the same page in that you don't think that "morality" exists, correct?