News:

There is also the shroud of turin, which verifies Jesus in a new way than other evidences.

Main Menu

Our basic instincts or something more?

Started by Sweetdeath, August 08, 2012, 10:24:52 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Sweetdeath

So  i've been playing the game Catherine for the xbox lately. It's a great puzzle game about a man named Vincent who accidentally cheats on his girlfriend Katherine. She's a dull, workaholic who pretty much organizes his life for him.

Then he gets drunk and meets a cute blonde named Catherine. She's fun, free, and lives life how she pleases with no chains of marriage or children to tie her down.

This game is not only fun and challenging. But i really do love the story.

I think it brings us all down to "Is it normal to want to sleep with more than one person even in a relationship?"

I mean, we all want companion, and that person to come home to. But surely one person cannot furfill all of our needs, in bed or other wise.

I mean, is society forcing us to feel like we have to be monogamous in order to cause less 'chaos' or what?

In my opinion, i think we all desire more than one mate. I don't mean marrying more than one person, but i mean, being with your companion, and then doing things with other people who furfil your other desires. No one is perfect and no one person is perfect for you.

Are we simply denying these urges just to 'fit in' ?

I don't know. What are your opinions? ^^;

I really love this game. Check it out sometime if you can.
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Tank

Congratulation on opening the biggest possible can of worms  :D
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Sweetdeath

Quote from: Tank on August 08, 2012, 10:37:47 PM
Congratulation on opening the biggest possible can of worms  :D

I know, but you guys are quite an interesting bunch.  :P
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

AnimatedDirt

I guess "we" need to be upfront in our relationships on what exactly we want in a relationship(s).

If we promise to be monogamous, we should keep true to our word no matter how much we feel we are being forced to be opposite of our desires.  We are fickle and so our desires might change.  If so, be honest with the other person in the relationship.  It's simply self-control and respect for the ones we love in a relationship unless both are willing parties to seek out others and remain in a relationship or part.

Have *you ever tried juggling more than one relationship?  I think chaos is a natural by-product of multiple relationships and not necessarily something society forces.

Ali

How do you accidentally cheat on someone?   :D

As for monogamy, I think I read somewhere that serial monogamy (like different people throughout your life, but more or less one person at a time) seems to be the most "natural" state for human beings. 

Husband and I talk about it sometimes, and it's true that with a long time relationship, you just don't get the same sort of "first time" excitement that you had when everything was new.  Also, having a sneaky forbidden relationship (like one you might be in if you cheat) is FUN.  Sneaking around, holding hands under the table when you hope no one will notice, that's heady stuff (that's actually how our relationship started, oh so many moons ago.)  But, ultimately, the question every couple has to answer is, is the superficial fun stuff worth giving up the kind of intimacy and partnership that you get with a long term relationship?  Personally, I (usually) come down on the side of wanting the long term stuff more. I dig my husband, even if no one cares whether or not I'm holding hands with him under the table.  He's my best friend in the whole world, and that's not something that I would easily lose or give up on.  But I don't really care what other couples decide on, if no one is getting hurt.

As to "Can one person fulfill every need?" God no.  Of course not.  But to me, that doesn't mean that you have to cheat on your one person, it just means you have to have outside interests and other friends and stuff. 

En_Route

My impression is that most open relationships end in tears. Of course,  so do a lot of non- open ones. I think it's tough enough sustaining a long- term relationship without diverting your emotional and sexual energies elsewhere, not to speak of the logistical strains, the likelihood of jealousy and resentment arising etc etc. it would be agreeable  in theory to be able to have one's cake and eat it as well as some additional cakes thrown in for good  measure. However, hedonism and the pursuit of self- gratification are not generally productive of long- term contentment.
Some ideas are so stupid only an intellectual could believe them (Orwell).

Sweetdeath

I totally agree that sneaky forbidden stuff isn't cool. I would love to just keep having a good companionship with one person and then still be able to party, do as you want, as long as the other person knows what's happening.

I think for a lot of people, until you're in your 40's or 50's, you really do want to party and have fun. Youth is so short! I really do want to enjoy my remaining 20's.


(haha, Ali, i agree. you never 'accidentally ' cheat XP )

Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Sweetdeath

Maybe i'm very strange because i don't get jealous and never gotten jealous of relationship stuff. Only if someone knows how to sew better than me. I want to learn to sew better! LOL


Jealousy, scorn, all those feelings are a waste of time.

I just have a hard time feeling , "ok, i'm not 30, but some people i know are already married with a kid or two"

it's just not for me. Marriage and children.
I want to have fun and enjoy my life.
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Ali

Do what ever you want to do with your life, SD.  You only get the one, so I don't see the point wasting it trying to pretend you want things you don't.

xSilverPhinx

It would be interesting to ask someone from a culture where monogamy is not the norm about how they see these things. :D

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


En_Route

#10
Quote from: Sweetdeath on August 09, 2012, 12:36:24 AM
Maybe i'm very strange because i don't get jealous and never gotten jealous of relationship stuff. Only if someone knows how to sew better than me. I want to learn to sew better! LOL


Jealousy, scorn, all those feelings are a waste of time.

I just have a hard time feeling , "ok, i'm not 30, but some people i know are already married with a kid or two"

it's just not for me. Marriage and children.
I want to have fun and enjoy my life.

Well I certainly would not worry about how other people have decided to live their lives.
Some ideas are so stupid only an intellectual could believe them (Orwell).

DeterminedJuliet

#11
Quote from: Ali on August 09, 2012, 12:39:27 AM
Do what ever you want to do with your life, SD.  You only get the one, so I don't see the point wasting it trying to pretend you want things you don't.

This. :)

I subscribe to Dan Savage's "monogamish" principle - in a committed relationship, non-monogamy is best when it's discussed honestly and practiced infrequently (though not necessarily never). Because, honestly, if my husband wanted to have sex with another person, the sex -- in of itself-- wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me. And I've told him as such. Generally, I think,  it's the emotional dishonesty that gets more couples who cheat in the end. So, we've talked and set some "ground-rules" for if either of us ever did want to pursue an extra-marital "romp" and I feel better for having done that.

Nothing's set in stone: if our feelings change, the rules can change, and neither of us have ever actively pursued another person (as far as I'm concerned, one of the biggest perks of being married is not having to deal with the dating scene anymore. Who wants to go through all THAT again), but having an honest discussion about it really seems to have removed the "forbidden fruit" allure.  

I should also add that I've participated in the awful side of non-monogamy. Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship that dabbled with being "open" and it was a total disaster. Looking back at it now, I can see that we pursued the open label because we were both miserable and wanted escape and validation from other people. I'm sure that happens a lot, too.

So, in conclusion, I don't think there's any one way that works for everyone.  
"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

En_Route

Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on August 09, 2012, 01:05:11 AM
Quote from: Ali on August 09, 2012, 12:39:27 AM
Do what ever you want to do with your life, SD.  You only get the one, so I don't see the point wasting it trying to pretend you want things you don't.

This. :)

I subscribe to Dan Savage's "monogamish" principle - in a committed relationship, non-monogamy is best when it's discussed honestly and practiced infrequently (though not necessarily never). Because, honestly, if my husband wanted to have sex with another person, the sex -- in of itself-- wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me. And I've told him as such. Generally, I think,  it's the emotional dishonesty that gets more couples who cheat in the end. So, we've talked and set some "ground-rules" for if either of us ever did want to pursue an extra-marital "romp" and I feel better for having done that.

Nothing's set in stone: if our feelings change, the rules can change, and neither of us have ever actively pursued another person (as far as I'm concerned, one of the biggest perks of being married is not having to deal with the dating scene anymore. Who wants to go through all THAT again), but having an honest discussion about it really seems to have removed the "forbidden fruit" allure.  

I should also add that I've participated in the awful side of non-monogamy. Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship that dabbled with being "open" and it was a total disaster. Looking back at it now, I can see that we pursued the open label because we were both miserable and wanted escape and validation from other people. I'm sure that happens a lot, too.

So, in conclusion, I don't think there's any one way that works for everyone.  

The theory sounds liberal and enlightened; the practice is in my opinion likely to prove messier.
Some ideas are so stupid only an intellectual could believe them (Orwell).

Siz

Yeah, what Ali said.

I made a promise to my wife. If I hadn't intended to keep that promise I would never have made it. Honesty, as AD so vehemently supports, lays the path of least resistance in relationships. Even when promiscuity was the order of play in my life I never hid my intentions. That certainly eliminated complications. And when I felt ready to make a commitment it really wasn't a tough decision. I chose willingly to forego the excitement of sex with different women in favour of a loving, stable, monogamous relationship. It was the best aggregate outcome, and I still feel that way despite the occasional craving for a minxy little Eastern-European scrumpet. I'm only human!

When one sleeps on the floor one need not worry about falling out of bed - Anton LaVey

The universe is a cold, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn't a search for meaning, it's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually you'll be dead!

Sweetdeath

Quote from: Ali on August 09, 2012, 12:39:27 AM
Do what ever you want to do with your life, SD.  You only get the one, so I don't see the point wasting it trying to pretend you want things you don't.
Thanks, Ali  :)

Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.