Ex-mormon Atheist - why I left the church

[erich]

Hello everyone. My name is Erich (pronounced eric). I'm 26 and I am an ex-mormon atheist (as of about 6 months now).

I think that I have some unique insights that will help those who are 'inactive' in their faith to adopt rational,evidence-based thinking and ultimately leave their religion. The basic reason why I left is because the LDS Church just wasn't doing anything for me. It wasn't helping me fulfill any of my desires. This lead me to re-examine beliefs that were completely unsubstantiated. (If you don't want to read my story, you can skip to the last paragraph to read my conclusion.)

For many Mormons, the Church provides solutions to a lot of basic desires: social/friends, finding romance, a sense of belonging, a sense of purpose, family, unity, activities for kids/scouting program, opportunities to serve others, opportunities to receive help from others, etc. The Church has actually been a really positive experience for me. As a kid, it was boring and I didn't like it at all. But as I got into my teen years, scouting and the youth activities was very fun and I thoroughly enjoyed it. All of my friends were LDS. It was very easy to find friends in the Church. Sure, you have typical teen social dynamics, but for the most part people were nice. I went on a mission when I was 19 to Seattle. It was mostly a rather enjoyable experience. It was hard work but you learn a lot about yourself and other people. After the mission, you enter the 'young single adult' phase. There is some pressure to marry soon, but in my experience not as much as some people claim. Eventually I did about a year ago. Luckily, I too found a rational person as my wife and she has also decided to leave the Church with me (based on her own reasons - mainly disagreement with the Church's stance on homosexuals).

Anyway, once I got married, the Church wasn't really doing much for me. I didn't need it socially. I'm not that social and my wife is pretty much my closest friend. I didn't need it to find a wife anymore. I live away from my siblings and parents so I have no family pressure to go to church. And I realized that I haven't been using it to solve personal problems for quite a while. I spent many years praying, fasting and reading scripture to help me solve some personal issues (mainly social anxiety). But it just didn't work. I thought the 2-year LDS mission would help and after it I would be outgoing and confident. But, no, I was pretty much the same. I eventually discovered these 'Think Right Now' Audio cds. I was very much convinced that 'as a man thinketh, so is he.' So these cds would repeat positive affirmations over and over and I would listen to them nightly right before bed. But after a couple years of no change, I started to lose faith in that system. I would often visit stevepavlina.com and read his forums. One poster went by the name of Nick Pagan had some interesting things to say, so I visited his website nickpagan.com.

Everything he said just made sense to me. It was largely based on evolutionary psychology. His advice is very pragmatic. It totally goes against the idea that 'if you believe it, then you can do it!' It's more like, 'let's be realistic. Set realistic goals. Your emotions are a guide to how feasible your desires are.' His explanation of how procrastination worked (which I am a professional at), trumps every other explanation I have ever read. It all seems so obvious, but it was so 'revelatory' to me. I started to try to implement some of his ideas and I began to improve slightly. I started to let go of expectations and replace them with preferences. I started to feel less anxiety and other negative emotions. I still have a long way to go because some of my personal issues stem from very early childhood trauma.

So anyway, in the Mormon church it is often said that a good seed will produce good fruit. This is often used as evidence or reason to believe in the Book of Mormon (or in a God). If believing in the Church doing what it says (keeping the commandments), 'blesses' you, then obviously it's a good and true seed. Well, after the mission, I found it more and more difficult to keep up on my daily scripture reading. I got to the point where I wasn't really reading scriptures or praying that much. But, I felt like good things still kept coming my way, which seemed backwards to me. I received scholarships, jobs, various opportunities, good grades, good health, and eventually an awesome wife. However, in my personal religious life, like I said, I started to relax on some of the 'basic' rules. I started to watch the occasional rated R movie. I stopped 'keeping the sabbath day holy' - going out to eat on occasion on Sundays. I only would feel guilt if I got caught. I never felt really that guilty in the actual participation of these 'sins.' But more importantly, I discovered that there really wasn't a causal relationship between these 'commandments' and the various 'blessings' in my life. I started to recognize that correlation doesn't necessarily imply causation a lot more often (learned about this in Psych 101). Every single 'fast sunday' (the first sunday of the month where Mormons skip two meals), I would hear illogical arguments of why they are so blessed or why their prayers were answered. 'I paid extra tithing and now I'm engaged.' (It's not that hard to get engaged in the LDS church.) 'I paid tithing and miraculously the bills are all paid' (Doesn't your job have something to do with that?) 'I prayed to find my lost keys, and I found them! I know Heavenly Father answers prayers.' (If you look for your keys long enough, you'll find them. I always do.)

The problem with atheism is that it isn't a worldview (duh). Well, what are people supposed to do after they leave the Church? Where do they go to find all the things that the Church was providing for them? People won't leave religion, if there isn't an acceptable substitute. I left because I either found acceptable substitutes or various desires no longer needed attending to (like finding a wife). I don't think its enough to be against something. You must also be for something else. I don't think its enough to pass out flyers that say, 'Imagine if there were no religion.' I think it would be better to pass out flyers that teach people to solve their problems using secular, reason-based ideas. This will help people to not lean on their religion so much. The less useful they find their religion, the more likely they are to leave.

[elliebean]

Hello and welcome Erich!  

[Tanker]

Welcome to the forum. It's always good to have a new member.