New member to the HAF

[Angler28]

I wouldn't mind hearing about the finding of fish.
Crawling out of the tent,
mist on the river, water over stone...

PS- Pudding, not quite sure I follow you there.    ???

Your user name is Angler, you have a fishing avatar.

Ah, thought you may have meant something like that, but reading many of your posts, I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. 

Anytime you would like to hear a story friend, I have plenty to share.

[Amicale]

I'd love to hear a story, Angler. Please, tell us about how you met your wife, or a nice vacation your family's been on, or a fun story about your kids.

*gets comfy and settles in for story hour*

[Sandra Craft]

Thanks Tank, and I agree with you. I will just keep my mouth shut and give it time. Whatever happens will happen and I will know that I tried my best to keep things together.

I think that's best -- I know you're probably anxious about things and want it sorted out but since she's more than a little freaked, it's good to give her time to adjust to what is for her (as your friend pointed out) a big change coming right out of the blue.  Otherwise you risk coming off pushy and nobody likes that.

For what it's worth, you do have a lot of company as an atheist with a religious partner.  They are in the vast majority, after all, and it's inevitable we pair up more often than not, particularly if we come late to atheism.  My girlfriend is religious in a liberal deist way and tho she had the advantage of knowing from the beginning I was an atheist I was still a little worried she might blame me when her daughter went agnostic.  Fortunately, she did not.

I would also like to hear a fish story -- specifically why in your avatar you are a bean or potato.

[Sweetdeath]

I am actually not superficial, but thanks for the assumptions that you know me or my relationship.

LOL, just saying it is superficial to dump someone you love based on their belief.

Like i said, it does depend on the degree of belief.

[Angler28]

Well, I think the avatar is a potato, and I thought hey, I'm Irish and there's a potato fishing, so...perfect. 

I think it would be appropriate to share how my wife and I met. I had been working at Wal Mart for a couple of years when she started there as a cashier. I took notice of her immediately but I didn't know how to talk to her. I'm very outspoken and not shy at all..until it comes to expressing my feelings. I had my best friend, who worked in my department break the ice for us. He started talking to her for a but before he got around to introducing us, but after that we hung out every chace we got. I was 19 and she was 18. (We married young I guess you could say)

She was raised by her grandmother, so that among many other things that we had in common was comforting to us. She was still in high school and I had just graduated the year before, so her grandmother would get mad at me that I kept her out late on school nights. We weren't doing anything that we shouldn't have, just talking and getting to know one another. That was until I met her grandmother, and my wife said that she was so happy that she had met a nice young man finally. I didn't really get it at the time, but I found out later that her ex would beat her all the time and even hit her grandmother a few times. This guy was bad news.

Well, I eventually transfered to a cart pusher, because I hate being cooped up indoors and that would give me some freedom. One day a truck came screeching up and a little guy that came up to not even my chest, (I'm a big guy.) jumped out of the truck and made a mad dash towards me. When he came to me, I said to me in a really nasty manner that he was looking for someone that worked here. I am a person that believes that no matter what your job is, you should take pride in it, so I was alway nice and friendly, even when I felt people didn't deserve it. I smiled and said I would help if I could and asked him who he was looking for. He practically spat my name out. I just looked at him and said; "You're talking to him."  It was so funny, his expression changed immediately and he became really fidgitey. He then told me that he heard I was dating my now wife. I told him that I was. He nodded and asked me how she was doing, I told him that she was doing fantastic. He nodded again, then told me to have a nice day and left.

When my wife came to get me for our lunch break, I told her about the strange little man and she asked me what he looked like and what kind of truck he was driving, then she started laughing. She then told me that it was her ex, and he was here to beat me up for dating her. We both then had a nice hearty laugh.

There is much, much more and maybe I will share more in time, but basically, we dated for 6 months, got married and had our beautiful children and here we are today, almost 9 years later.  (nutshell) 

Here is a fishing story too. I was at this state park in Missouri about 15 years ago and was fly fishing for some rainbow trout. The park had a daily limit of 5, and I had four so I was working on my last one. I cast out and let my line float down to this massive brush pile where I could see about 3 trout congregating. As my luck goes, my line snagged and I scared the fish away trying to free it up. All of a sudden there was this HUGE hit and it nearly yanked the rod out of my hand. My line unsnagged and I started to reel it in. I do way more catfishing than I do anything else, and this felt more like a channel cat than a trout. (For those of you that don't know, catfish can grow up to over 3 feet and weigh nearly 100 lbs or more in rare cases)

Turns out, a beaver had tried to eat the rubber worm I was using and hooked himsell. Talk about surprised.      That was better than any fish fight I've ever had lol. I mostly fish catch and release, so I have removed all of the barbs from my hooks. The beaver finally spit the hook out and went about his merry way. It was a very interesting day. Of couse however, no one believed me.   

[Stevil]

but I found out later that her ex would beat her all the time and even hit her grandmother a few times. This guy was bad news.

So it seems that lack of belief in Jesus is inexcusable but girlfriend and grandma beating is just a slip up?
Hmmm, maybe she is over-reacting at the moment, give it time to sink in, things will hopefully settle.

He nodded again, then told me to have a nice day and left.

Man enough to beat on a girl and her grandmother, but a coward in the face of real competition. Typical.

Bloody funny though!

we dated for 6 months, got married and had our beautiful children and here we are today, almost 9 years later.  (nutshell)  

Wow you guys got married very young, and so quickly. You must have jelled really well.

I have a feeling that an older, more mature woman would consider your situation more rather than blurting out that you better find Jesus quickly.
The benefit of youth is that you guys are less set in your ways.
I am starting to have a lot more faith that you will sort out your differences no problems, just give it time.
I am sure there are many reasons, other than Jesus, as to why she loves spending time with you.

[DeterminedJuliet]

I have a feeling that an older, more mature woman would consider your situation more rather than blurting out that you better find Jesus quickly.

Hey. I met my husband when I was 20, got married at 23, am currently 26 and I think I'm plenty mature, thankyouverramuch! I'm not saying that you're wrong about her adjusting or changing her mind, but it very well could be a personality thing and not just an immaturity thing. I have a sister who is 8 years older than I am and she has pretty much always acted younger than I have. I seriously feel like I have the "older sibling" role with her. Age =/= maturity level. Just sayin'.

Anyhoo. Not to derail, I do think there has been some stellar advice here. Giving her some time definitely sounds like the way to go. At least for now.  

[Amicale]

Angler, thanks for sharing those stories! I always appreciate a good "how we met" story.

One thing I thought of that I'm not sure anyone's commented on yet: did I dream it up, or did you say your wife's pregnant right now? Because pregnancy hormones can take a normally rational person all OVER the place. Even minus the pregnancy, the stress of raising young children (and maybe working?) as well as any other issues in your lives... well, I can see how that stuff might turn your announcement about your atheism into a 6% event.

I honestly forget whether it was Rich Lyons at Living After Faith podcast or Seth Andrews at The Thinking Atheist who said it, but a 6% event is when there are a bunch of other stress factors that have slowly build your stress level up from 0 to 20% to 45% etc etc until you're at 95% stressed out... and then one more thing happens, large or small, and it pushes the stress over the top.

I don't know your or her situation of course, and on a public message board I understand you'd only feel inclined to answer what you wanted to. But it might be worth it to consider what stuff is going on in your lives healthwise, workwise, familywise, moneywise etc etc... and maybe even with your wife's own faith -- sometimes those who are feeling doubts about their own faith are more apt to become upset with people who are also feeling doubts, because they're scared.

Sorry for rambling. Just a few more thoughts to add to the pile of much more excellent advice from the married folks here. I do at least understand the pregnancy and childraising thing, though.

[Angler28]

You're very welcome Amicale. I love reading people life stories as well and yes, my wife is pregnant with our fourth child now. The thing about my wife is that over the other three pregnancies, she hardly changed at all. The hormone issue simply was not an issue, as it is not this time. I'm beginning to think that she is just scared to think contrary to her beliefs and how she was raised. I now see fully that time is the best thing.

@ Stevil    Yeah, it was funny, but he was lucky that I didn't know who he was at the time. We would have had words for sure. I'm not a violent person, but I can have a very sharp tongue.

[Tank]

The beaver is the ultimate 'One that got away' story isn't it! 

I don't really have the patients to fish. My wife refers to me 'Taking a worm for swimming lessons.'  Photography suits my temperament much better.

I met my wife 5th Nov '79, engaged Christmas '79, married 31st March '80. So not quite 5 months. We were both 20 but she's 4 months older than me so she gets to the significant 'orbit counts' before me. A point I rarely let her forget. Over the years she has also forgotten our anniversary 3(?) times 'ish. 

My first grandchild was born 29th Nov 2010.

[Angler28]

Congratulations on you wonderful marriage Tank. 

I still bring up the beaver story every now and then, but it's still met with "whatever". lol   I love to fish, but I mainly do it to get out and enjoy the great outdoors. I know that sounds horribly cliche, but I can stay out all day with my line in that water, not get a single bite, and I couldn't be happier. 

[Tank]

Congratulations on you wonderful marriage Tank. 

I still bring up the beaver story every now and then, but it's still met with "whatever". lol   I love to fish, but I mainly do it to get out and enjoy the great outdoors. I know that sounds horribly cliche, but I can stay out all day with my line in that water, not get a single bite, and I couldn't be happier. 

Thank you!

I understand the getting out into the country. I have two dogs who are my excuse for spending hours in the woods and fields 

[Sweetdeath]

Maybe i'm a modern kid, but i dont want to get married, but if mimi really really wants to. We must be together at least 5years, and already lived together one year.

My sister got together with her bf at 16, pregnant at 18. Broke up with bf at 22.

But hey, thats how i feel about young love.
Everyone different.

[Firebird]

It's hard for me to figure out your wife right now. And I don't mean that in a negative way. It sounds like you guys have had a very loving relationship with a lot of great, memorable moments, and it strikes me as odd that she had such an extreme reaction to your revelation when she doesn't even go to church much. Doesn't quite fit with the picture you've described of her otherwise, especially about how she'd be fine with her friends and even kids becoming atheist. Was her family religious at all? Maybe she feels like she's betraying someone else close to her in some strange way? It just sounds like there's more to the story than this.
Would couples therapy be an option here? As many people have pointed out, you're hardly the only couple with religious differences, so there must be a therapist that's somewhat familiar with these issues out there. It might be worth considering that if she continues to feel uncomfortable talking about this. I know it's been very helpful to other couples I've known.
On a side-note, beavers are awesome My wife and I went on a tour of beaver lodges and dams at a nature preserve near us recently, and it was really fascinating.

[Tank]

It's hard for me to figure out your wife right now. And I don't mean that in a negative way. It sounds like you guys have had a very loving relationship with a lot of great, memorable moments, and it strikes me as odd that she had such an extreme reaction to your revelation when she doesn't even go to church much. Doesn't quite fit with the picture you've described of her otherwise, especially about how she'd be fine with her friends and even kids becoming atheist. Was her family religious at all? Maybe she feels like she's betraying someone else close to her in some strange way? It just sounds like there's more to the story than this.

Almost exactly the same thoughts had crossed my mind. In particular the extreme reaction of Thom's wife when they aren't church goers.

Please pardon the 3rd person reference Thom.