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New member to the HAF

Started by Angler28, April 30, 2012, 07:45:40 PM

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Tank

Quote from: Angler28 on May 02, 2012, 04:32:57 PM
 I know it's hard for some to not understand why I want to stay.
I don't find it hard at all. To have shared a life for somebody you love for such a long time is not something you walk out of just like that. It's not like it was a relationship near collapse before this happened and this was the last straw. The life you have is worth fighting for and sometimes to win a war you have to retreat and regroup. Give space and take time for things to settle down and see how the land lies (cliché count reaching critical).
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

xSilverPhinx

Quote from: Tank on May 02, 2012, 04:51:27 PM
Quote from: Angler28 on May 02, 2012, 04:32:57 PM
I know it's hard for some to not understand why I want to stay.
I don't find it hard at all. To have shared a life for somebody you love for such a long time is not something you walk out of just like that. It's not like it was a relationship near collapse before this happened and this was the last straw. The life you have is worth fighting for and sometimes to win a war you have to retreat and regroup. Give space and take time for things to settle down and see how the land lies (cliché count reaching critical).

Nothing wrong with wise clichés ;D
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Angler28

Thanks Tank, and I agree with you. I will just keep my mouth shut and give it time. Whatever happens will happen and I will know that I tried my best to keep things together.

I would like to say that in light of everything I have said here, I am a very happy atheist.  :)

PS- Pudding, not quite sure I follow you there.    ???
"The worst day of fishing is better than the best day at work."

Jimmy

Hey Angler!! First of all Welcome to the gang!!

Second, I can TOTALLY identify with much of what you are going through. Please, give your wife some space for a while, she'll need it. It is tempting when you've figured things out for yourself to tell those closest to you all about it, but it must be done so with caution,especially if you truly want the relationship to continue in a positive direction. I've been married for eight years this month, have 2 kids, and I first started dating my wife 15 years ago, and I only told her about 3 years ago that I was an atheist. She has seen me come and go as a Catholic, agnostic, pagan, or whatever else I had going on, and now an athiest/pantheist (she probably just doesn't know what to do with me anymore :) ) People change throughout their entire lives and neither one of us are the same two people we were when we were 15 and rock'in the love boat :P What is MOST important is not that you're having a storm or not, but how you "weather the storm."

Actions speak louder than words in relationships, so just show her what a great father and husband you still are, and help us all break the stereotypes people have about atheists. Be romantic, tell her how special she is, be playful with the kids; enjoy all those things in life and spread enthusiasm about THIS life with your wife, children, and friends. Everyone will appreciate this.

Although you did the first step and told her that you're an atheists, I would reserve your discussions of atheism with people other than your wife until she is ready so she doesn't feel overwhelmed.

I hope this helps!
For if there be no Prospect beyond the Grave, the inference is certainly right, Let us eat and drink, les us enjoy what we delight in, for to morrow we shall die.   ~John Locke~

Angler28

That helps a lot Jimmy, thank you, and that is a reason why I joined this forum, so that I can have like minded conversations and discussions and I can respect my wifes wished at the same time.
"The worst day of fishing is better than the best day at work."

The Magic Pudding

Quote from: The Magic Pudding on May 02, 2012, 04:46:23 PM
I wouldn't mind hearing about the finding of fish.
Crawling out of the tent,
mist on the river, water over stone...

Quote from: Angler28 on May 02, 2012, 04:55:04 PM
PS- Pudding, not quite sure I follow you there.    ???

Your user name is Angler, you have a fishing avatar.

DeterminedJuliet

Pudding's posts are often delightfully cryptic with plenty of twisty-turny-ness. Don't worry, you aren't the only one who gets lost from time to time.
"We've thought of life by analogy with a journey, with pilgrimage which had a serious purpose at the end, and the THING was to get to that end; success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you're dead. But, we missed the point the whole way along; It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing, or dance, while the music was being played.

Tank

Quote from: Angler28 on May 02, 2012, 04:55:04 PM
Thanks Tank, and I agree with you. I will just keep my mouth shut and give it time. Whatever happens will happen and I will know that I tried my best to keep things together.
The thing is your wife has now got to make an active choice to bring matters to a head. The ball is in her court now, and you don't have to go and get it. Let her realise the only person who is going to make matters worse ie break up the family, is her. So let her contemplate her next action and try not to give her any new ammunition. I see lots of fishing trips in your future  ;D

Quote from: Angler28 on May 02, 2012, 04:55:04 PM
I would like to say that in light of everything I have said here, I am a very happy atheist.  :)
That's good to hear and let it stay so for a long time to come.

Quote from: Angler28 on May 02, 2012, 04:55:04 PM
PS- Pudding, not quite sure I follow you there.    ???
You won't be the first!!!
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Sweetdeath

Quote from: DeterminedJuliet on May 02, 2012, 05:26:55 AM
Quote from: Sweetdeath on May 02, 2012, 05:01:30 AM
I suppose if it were me, i would say get out, but since you have kids, the gameplan does tend to change.

Really? If it was someone you loved deeply, you'd give up that easily? Trying to work through a difference and realizing that it's irreconcilable over a course of time is one thing, but throwing away an emotionally invested relationship because a brand new issue hasn't been resolved in one month seems a bit hasty, doesn't it? Lordie, if my husband and I felt that way, we'd have been divorced ages ago. Actually, we wouldn't have lasted long enough to get married. 

*shrug* no relationship is easy.
I suppose sometimes people change.  You really need to know what you're getting into for marriage.
Have never been religious, so i knew i could never been in a relationship with someone who believed in imaginary friends.
Then again, it is a bit easier to find gay atheists. (hmm, wonder why ::)  ) At least in my experience.
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Sweetdeath

Quote from: The Magic Pudding on May 02, 2012, 04:46:23 PM
I wouldn't mind hearing about the finding of fish.
Crawling out of the tent,
mist on the river, water over stone...

Haha, so poetic today.  <3

You mean how he met his wife story? :)
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Stevil

Quote from: Sweetdeath on May 02, 2012, 08:36:08 PM
Have never been religious, so i knew i could never been in a relationship with someone who believed in imaginary friends.
So, what would happen if your partner discovered god?
Would you find it intolerable and break up, or would you still love and want to share life with them?

Does anyone put a "I promise to love and cherish you for so long as we are both Atheists (or Christians, or Muslims, etc)" into their wedding vows?

I think generally these break-ups are because of the religious partner, atheists are generally a tolerant bunch.

Sweetdeath

Quote from: Stevil on May 02, 2012, 08:49:22 PM
Quote from: Sweetdeath on May 02, 2012, 08:36:08 PM
Have never been religious, so i knew i could never been in a relationship with someone who believed in imaginary friends.
So, what would happen if your partner discovered god?
Would you find it intolerable and break up, or would you still love and want to share life with them?

Does anyone put a "I promise to love and cherish you for so long as we are both Atheists (or Christians, or Muslims, etc)" into their wedding vows?

I think generally these break-ups are because of the religious partner, atheists are generally a tolerant bunch.

I'd be pretty  pissed off if my gf became religious suddenly. Though she is a very logical , scientist type, so i highly doubt this would ever happen.

People break up pover lesser things. But yeah, i couldnt tolerate dating a religious person.

That doesnt make me a bad or non-sensical person.
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Stevil

Quote from: Sweetdeath on May 03, 2012, 12:14:22 AM
That doesnt make me a bad or non-sensical person.
Just superficial yeah?

I mean, if she believed in a deist god, it created the universe, but does not require worship, or following of any moral code, then how would that affect your relationship?

Sweetdeath

Quote from: Stevil on May 03, 2012, 12:26:31 AM
Quote from: Sweetdeath on May 03, 2012, 12:14:22 AM
That doesnt make me a bad or non-sensical person.
Just superficial yeah?

I mean, if she believed in a deist god, it created the universe, but does not require worship, or following of any moral code, then how would that affect your relationship?

Well, i suppose like anything, there is a level of degree. Beleiving and acting highly religious are two things. Like prayer or saying grace.
I cant be a religious person. It is just not in me.

I am actually not superficial, but thanks for the assumptions that you know me or my relationship. ::)
Law 35- "You got to go with what works." - Robin Lefler

Wiggum:"You have that much faith in me, Homer?"
Homer:"No! Faith is what you have in things that don't exist. Your awesomeness is real."

"I was thinking that perhaps this thing called God does not exist. Because He cannot save any one of us. No matter how we pray, He doesn't mend our wounds.

Stevil

Quote from: Sweetdeath on May 03, 2012, 12:32:35 AM
I am actually not superficial, but thanks for the assumptions that you know me or my relationship. ::)
LOL, just saying it is superficial to dump someone you love based on their belief.