Need support - boyfriend is Jehovah

[Parsifal]

One thing she insisted on, however, was to stop having sex, so that God wouldn't punish her.  This was a little too much for me.  Not only because I love having sex, but religion's obsession with sex is something I truly cannot understand.  No one has ever been able to explain to me what is wrong with sex outside the marriage.  I can understand not stealing, lying and murdering (yet again, I wouldn't need God to tell me not to do that) but what is the harm caused by sex to society?  My particular favorite explanation is that God didn't intend for us to have sex outside the marriage, i.e. we would be doing something not intended for us.  Good, but why?  And then the explanations range from the bizarre to downright lunatic.  Apparently, sex outside the marriage also disturbs the social order.

I believe that sex is actually a very important part of a relationship - it makes you feel closer to one another and it's like the funnest free thing you can do  :hmm: hmmm doesn't really make much sense still  

If he is starting to attempt to control you at a sexual level show him the door, immediately and without question. It's just the start of a huge slippery slope of manipulation you must not let him create. It might be sex now but in due course it will be who you can be friends with, who you can see and eventually what you can think. You have a right to sexual self expression. If you choose to express that in a monogamous situation and expect fidelity in return your partner needs to understand they have a responsibility to meet your needs and visa versa. Sexual manipulation and control are not something anybody should accept in a relationship, it's a strong sign of a controlling and domineering personality. This is not the same as saying 'I don't like you playing with my xyz because it's yucky' that's just personal taste and needs to be dealt with in a mature way. It's when somebody starts to attempt to dictate how the other behaves 'I am going to play with your xyz because I have a right to!' or 'I don't like your sex toys, get rid of them.' That the alarm bells should be ringing.

Your boyfriend can bin his porn, that's his choice about how he behaves. But if he changes his behaviour towards you and simply demands you accept that then I would say he is putting your pleasure and happiness below his own sense of self. Not good in my opinion. It's more about his respect for you as an individual verses his desire to be part of an institution. You really do need to assert yourself here otherwise you're in for a long, slow, painful and potentially damaging relationship collapse where you could end up blaming yourself when you are not at fault.

You have to realise that when a religion really gets it's claws into a person it can utterly change them. Usually it amplifies a person's basic traits. A good person can become saintly a bad person can be driven to murder. It is highly unlikely that you will recognise your boyfriend in a year if he continues to fall into the clutches of the JW cult.

This reminds of a Simpson's episode where Marge suddenly becomes religious.  When it inevitably causes friction between her and Homer, she tells him:

Don't try to come between my God and me, because you just can't win.

There is a lot of wisdom in The Simpsons...

[Parsifal]

Chrome wrote:  My bf explained the sex before marriage thing to me as - God has given you a present (sex) You are not supposed to open that present till your wedding night and is disrespectful if you do so.

This is another wonderful one.  All animals have sex, we don't do it any different than animals (well, I don't suppose they go to movies first, but anyway), so what gift has God given us?  Why is it disrespectful for humans to have extra marital sex but not for animals?  God gave the gift to everything.

Chrome, I know this is difficult, and you will have to make the decision yourself, but you'd be better off with someone whose life isn't blindly guided by religion.  It would have been marginally better if he didn't try to fleece it off to you and others as well.  Losing a partner is tough in the short run, but in the long run, you are freeing yourself up for someone better.

Good luck.

[The Magic Pudding]

How does boy friend feel about blood transfusions for a child that needs one?
If your boyfriend wants a god, but doesn't like the hell thing, there are alternatives.
Why does he have to take up with the weirdest of the weird?

[SSY]

I would never become seriously involved with someone religious, for many reasons. It is my belief that any rational evaluation of evidence will lead one towards atheism or agnosticism, if someone is religious, then it would seem that they are unable to do this. Being with someone like this would intolerable to me as an intimate relationship, though would be ok as a friend.

An intimate partner is one you make long term life decisions with, and I would not be willing to have my future affected by their irrational beliefs, nor the futures of any children we may have. And aside from all that, I do not want to rely on someone in a crisis who really believes that telepathically begging a magical sky daddy will help us when the shit hits the fan.

[chrome]

chrome, how old are you?  I ask because after a half dozen instance of someone's ripping out your heart and stamping that sucker flat, it becomes a lot easier to make appropriate choices.

I am 32... probably old enough to realise certain things. This is only my 2nd serious relationship though.

How does boy friend feel about blood transfusions for a child that needs one?
If your boyfriend wants a god, but doesn't like the hell thing, there are alternatives.
Why does he have to take up with the weirdest of the weird?

Q1: I haven't asked him about the blood transfusion yet, so I'm not really sure.

Q2: Yeah but he is insistent now on this one as the guy he works with is someone he looks up to... my bf tells me that this guy is the most intelligent person he has met... so I'm guessing that my bf thinks; if he is a smart person, he MUST be right about his religion - there is no telling him otherwise.

I'm getting a general consensus that you guys don't think that he is right for me... weird thing is that in my heart I kinda agree with you guys - BUT I am so weak when it comes to matters of the heart.  

[Parsifal]

Chrome, please let us know what you decide and how things work out.  We're here for you.

[The Magic Pudding]

I hope things workout and all our misgivings are misplaced.

[deekayfry]

Yes, Chrome just hang in there.

   :bananacolor:  :yay:

[chrome]

Yes, Chrome just hang in there.

   :bananacolor:  :yay:

I hope things workout and all our misgivings are misplaced.

Chrome, please let us know what you decide and how things work out.  We're here for you. :hmm: perhaps do something sinful  

[Parsifal]

Aww thanks guys - your all awesome - will keep you all informed - at this point though I am just taking it one day at a time... He is going to church for the first time this Sunday - hmm interesting times. Wonder what I should do while he is gone   perhaps do something sinful    

Chrome, I don't know if you're a Simpsons fan, but you should watch Homer the Heretic (season 4 episode 3).  Maybe even watch it while lovie dovie is at church.

Here is a quote from Wikipedia and you'll immediately see why I suggest you watch it (the part about the pants is not relevant to the discussion ):

On a very cold Sunday morning, Marge is gathering the family to go to church. However, after viewing the weather outside and struggling with his pants, Homer refuses to go.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homer_the_Heretic

Another memorable quote from this episode:

"I'm not a bad guy, I work hard, and I love my kids...so why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?"

I'm going to post a link to all Homer's atheist statements.  He is one of us!

[deekayfry]

Yes, Chrome just hang in there.

   :bananacolor:  :yay:

I hope things workout and all our misgivings are misplaced.

Chrome, please let us know what you decide and how things work out.  We're here for you. :hmm: perhaps do something sinful  

What's that?  Stay up all night and watch the Simpsons?

[Ã¥scertain]

wrong section mehtinks
byt anyway just agree to dissagree, I fyou really feel for eachother there shouldnt be an issue.  

[Parsifal]

wrong section mehtinks
byt anyway just agree to dissagree, I fyou really feel for eachother there shouldnt be an issue.  

That would of course be ideal, but is difficult to maintain in the long run.  You have to constantly remind yourself not to touch on the subject of religion, especially when the other one acts out his/her belief or lack thereof, constantly turning a blind eye.  When you have children, there will always be the discussion of whether they should be raised with or without religion.  All of this is fertile ground for marital problems.  Regarding the children, some religiots claim that children should be exposed to religion so that they can choose for themselves.  For me, that is tantamount to saying that children should be exposed to drugs so that they decide for themselves whether or not they want to use them or not.

[arjline06]

Hi all, there are really instances that a religion can be a problem to a relationship. Religions have its own beliefs and in some situation it can really affected a relationship. Anyway, just always believe in God, in only one God.

 :spam2:  

[pinkocommie]

Hi all, there are really instances that a religion can be a problem to a relationship. Religions have its own beliefs and in some situation it can really affected a relationship. Anyway, just always believe in God, in only one God.

Wait, what?