A somewhat-brief summary of Holly, an atheist with OCD

[hollyda]

Welcome, hollyda!

Thanks for the introduction. My reaction to the difficulty you've had was to think to myself, "Holy shit!"  Mainly because I don't know how I would have dealt with what you've had to deal with. Probably not as well as you have.

Glad to have you here, and I hope you fiancé decides to join too.

Thank you.

It wasn't the best time, I'll be honest, and I had a lot of really dark days, but my story to date has a happy ending. What I took from it was: the closer I tried to get to religion, the more miserable I became. The second I stopped considering myself spiritually ill and actually ill is when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

At any rate, I appreciate it, and thanks again!

[Twentythree]

Thank you for sharing your story. It is a long and turbulent one, not unlike many of our stories. Many of the basics are probably fairly universal, growing up religious, discovering religious diversity of your own, becoming educated and ultimately finding more comfort in rationality than in blind faith. With that I say welcome, I am fairly new here as well and as of yet have been warned twice for “raising the level of debate” prior to acquiring my mandatory 50 posts. But I’m working on it. Hopefully soon we will be able to fully engage in conversations that will be enlightening to us both. In the mean time I would like to share the name David Sloan Wilson with you, I first heard him on a Big Ideas podcast about a month ago. His talk consisted of outlining the idea of meaning systems and how religion evolved along with various other meaning systems. The concept that struck me most powerfully was the idea that from an evolutionary standpoint, a meaning systems truth content is irrelevant, a meaning system will persist based solely on what it causes you to do, or what behaviors it promotes. Now by looking at it one could postulate that this is a group evolution idea but in essence it is at the genetic level that we are able to form such powerful belief systems, the belief system itself that we eventually adopt can be attributed to culture and nurture. In the same regard that we have evolved a system for digestion, yet the foods we eat are our choice, barring those that are toxic. Our capacity for and our level of indulgence in a belief system is evolved yet we get to culturally choose which belief system we subscribe to, even if that belief system is a belief in non belief i.e. atheism. The genetic coding is the same, the context and content hold no meaning and any belief system will be populated by moderates and fundamentalists in equal proportions to the populations that are in them. It really got me thinking, especially considering the fact that I am still unsure how far genetic selection reaches into our everyday behavior and how much we are able to overwrite our genetic coding by free will.

[Twentythree]

Well then he'll be sorely disappointed.  There isn't much debating going on here.  We expect our members to read and repeat our dogma.  There will be no freedom of thought or speech here.  The only thing allowed is regurgitation.

I fail to see how in your sarky reply you have helped elevate the level of discussion in this forum, in particular this topic. Perhaps instead of offering your regurgitated dreary complaints you could have enlightened us all with your profound insight. Instead all we get is this haughty jibe. It is clear that you would prefer a forum that was rich with original thought and insight. Tell me then how did your post contribute to or detract from that ideal?

[Will]

That was a really interesting introduction, Holly. Welcome to the forum.

Do you mind if I ask how you're doing with your OCD?

[hollyda]

Thank you for sharing your story. It is a long and turbulent one, not unlike many of our stories. Many of the basics are probably fairly universal, growing up religious, discovering religious diversity of your own, becoming educated and ultimately finding more comfort in rationality than in blind faith. With that I say welcome, I am fairly new here as well and as of yet have been warned twice for “raising the level of debate” prior to acquiring my mandatory 50 posts. But I’m working on it. Hopefully soon we will be able to fully engage in conversations that will be enlightening to us both. In the mean time I would like to share the name David Sloan Wilson with you, I first heard him on a Big Ideas podcast about a month ago. His talk consisted of outlining the idea of meaning systems and how religion evolved along with various other meaning systems. The concept that struck me most powerfully was the idea that from an evolutionary standpoint, a meaning systems truth content is irrelevant, a meaning system will persist based solely on what it causes you to do, or what behaviors it promotes. Now by looking at it one could postulate that this is a group evolution idea but in essence it is at the genetic level that we are able to form such powerful belief systems, the belief system itself that we eventually adopt can be attributed to culture and nurture. In the same regard that we have evolved a system for digestion, yet the foods we eat are our choice, barring those that are toxic. Our capacity for and our level of indulgence in a belief system is evolved yet we get to culturally choose which belief system we subscribe to, even if that belief system is a belief in non belief i.e. atheism. The genetic coding is the same, the context and content hold no meaning and any belief system will be populated by moderates and fundamentalists in equal proportions to the populations that are in them. It really got me thinking, especially considering the fact that I am still unsure how far genetic selection reaches into our everyday behavior and how much we are able to overwrite our genetic coding by free will.

Wow, that was intense. LOL. Thank you for the welcome, and I definitely look forward to reaching the 50 mark. Thank you for the rec; my fiancé and I are going on a road trip in a bit and we're looking for material to listen to on the way.

[hollyda]

That was a really interesting introduction, Holly. Welcome to the forum.

Thanks!

Do you mind if I ask how you're doing with your OCD?

Very good, actually. I've been on medication since high school to help balance out the serotonin levels, and exposure therapy to addresses the psychological aspects. I'm pretty active in OCD support groups and have accepted I'll always have OCD and the cure is learning how to manage it. There are bad days, but the good far outweigh the bad. I visit a therapist, but only as needed, and mostly we talk about how awesome I'm doing. Hehe. Admittedly, it does wonders that my fiancé has made a point to learn about it, and is patient and supportive when I need to lean on him.

Really, all I can do is admit I'm allowed to be obsessive and not worry when I spike, try not to fight the thoughts as they come, and just let them be in my head as I let time pass.

[Tank]

Well then he'll be sorely disappointed.  There isn't much debating going on here.  We expect our members to read and repeat our dogma.  There will be no freedom of thought or speech here.  The only thing allowed is regurgitation.

I fail to see how in your sarky reply you have helped elevate the level of discussion in this forum, in particular this topic. Perhaps instead of offering your regurgitated dreary complaints you could have enlightened us all with your profound insight. Instead all we get is this haughty jibe. It is clear that you would prefer a forum that was rich with original thought and insight. Tell me then how did your post contribute to or detract from that ideal?

Ooops! Irony detection failure  

[Twentythree]

Well then he'll be sorely disappointed.  There isn't much debating going on here.  We expect our members to read and repeat our dogma.  There will be no freedom of thought or speech here.  The only thing allowed is regurgitation.

I fail to see how in your sarky reply you have helped elevate the level of discussion in this forum, in particular this topic. Perhaps instead of offering your regurgitated dreary complaints you could have enlightened us all with your profound insight. Instead all we get is this haughty jibe. It is clear that you would prefer a forum that was rich with original thought and insight. Tell me then how did your post contribute to or detract from that ideal?

Ooops! Irony detection failure  

Fair enough, it is difficult to read irony. I may have overreacted but that may be because I have found experiences in other forums before to be laden with dagger tossing, nonsense and blatant cruelty. It is my goal to add something worthwhile to any discussion I engage in so to hear comments disparaging the integrity of the forum was disappointing. I also felt as though I had to be somewhat protective of the new member. I offer a sincere apology for being so sharp with my response. In rereading it I can see how the comment could have been made tongue in cheek. I am clearly still learning the nuances of the culture here.

[Tank]

Fair enough, it is difficult to read irony. I may have overreacted but that may be because I have found experiences in other forums before to be laden with dagger tossing, nonsense and blatant cruelty. It is my goal to add something worthwhile to any discussion I engage in so to hear comments disparaging the integrity of the forum was disappointing. I also felt as though I had to be somewhat protective of the new member. I offer a sincere apology for being so sharp with my response. In rereading it I can see how the comment could have been made tongue in cheek. I am clearly still learning the nuances of the culture here.

Oh, I understand perfectly. This place is different from all other forums I have visited. I had to read to fester30's comment twice and put it into context of the thread and my experience of fester30 to realise it was very much 'tongue in cheek'.

[xSilverPhinx]

Welcome!

[hollyda]

Thank you!

[The Magic Pudding]

Oh, I understand perfectly. This place is different from all other forums I have visited. I had to read to fester30's comment twice and put it into context of the thread and my experience of fester30 to realise it was very much 'tongue in cheek'.

So what would have made it easier to interpret, one of these?  

[Tank]

Oh, I understand perfectly. This place is different from all other forums I have visited. I had to read to fester30's comment twice and put it into context of the thread and my experience of fester30 to realise it was very much 'tongue in cheek'.

So what would have made it easier to interpret, one of these?  

[DeterminedJuliet]

Welcome Holly!

My husband also has a mild form of OCD - and you know, I've never thought to ask him if it's ever had something to do with his turning away from religion? (He was raised Catholic) It's interesting, especially since there are a number religious people I've met who don't "believe" in OCD as an actual medical condition. I've never really thought about the potential connection before.  

So thanks for the food for thought! And it sounds like you are in a much happier place in your life

[hollyda]

It's interesting, especially since there are a number religious people I've met who don't "believe" in OCD as an actual medical condition

This was especially true in the environment in which I grew up, which is the reason I kept praying for forgiveness. I thought there was something evil inside me that was trying to get me to think/do bad things, and the only way to quiet it was to beg God for forgiveness. It's very frustrating to see so many people afflicted with such a common ailment and think there's something wrong with them beyond the chemical imbalance in the brain. I'm active over on the Christian Forums as well, and there's a section there devoted to people with OCD. I keep trying to tell them that if God exists, he will not punish them for a disease he gave them. I've had at least one member PM me with questions and advice requests.

I don't know much about Catholicism, but I definitely wouldn't put it passed any religious person with OCD to list that as a reason their faith was shaken. OCD attacks those things we care most about (relationships, family, and so on). If someone is really religious (as I was), an obsessive attack on one's faith can be absolutely crippling.

Thank you for your input. I hope your husband's doing well.