Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

[Dave]

"Mummy, mummy, what's a vampire?"

"Be quiet, Vlad, and finnish your soup before it clots,"

[Tom62]

"Mummy, mummy, what does a stork do after he delivered the babies?"

"Lying on the couch and watching football!"

[joeactor]

"Mummy, Mummy! I don't wanna visit grandpa!"
"Shut up and keep digging!"

[Dave]

"Mummy, Mummy! I don't wanna visit grandpa!"
"Shut up and keep digging!"

Alternative version:

"Mummy, mummy, can I play with Grandpa?"

"No! You dug him up once already this week!"

[Dark Lightning]

Slobovians are denizens of an artificial country named Slobovia, invented in an effort to tell ethnic jokes without offending people. That said, here's one- Slobovians bury their dead face down so their kids have a place to park their bikes when they come to visit.

[Dave]

Slobovians are denizens of an artificial country named Slobovia, invented in an effort to tell ethnic jokes without offending people. That said, here's one- Slobovians bury their dead face down so their kids have a place to park their bikes when they come to visit.

I remember a similar joke but "they bury their dead "arse-up". Just makes it more specific!

[Tom62]

Slobovians are denizens of an artificial country named Slobovia, invented in an effort to tell ethnic jokes without offending people. That said, here's one- Slobovians bury their dead face down so their kids have a place to park their bikes when they come to visit.

I remember a similar joke but "they bury their dead "arse-up". Just makes it more specific!

That is a Belgium joke about the Dutch

[OldGit]

Mummy, Mummy, can I lick the bowl?
No, flush it like anybody else!


Mummy, Mummy, I hate my sister's guts!
Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.


Mummy, Mummy, why do I keep walking round in circles?
Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

[Icarus]

Slobovia was the invention of a cartoonist that used to have regular strips in the newspaper comic section.  The cartoons of the Slobovians always pictured them with icicles hanging from their noses.  It is very cold in Slobovia. The whole shtick hinted at Siberia.

[Tom62]

So a photon walks into a hotel. The bellhop says, "Can I carry any of your luggage?"
The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

[Dave]

So a photon walks into a hotel. The bellhop says, "Can I carry any of your luggage?"
The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

[joeactor]

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One's really heavy and the other's a little lighter.

[Dave]

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One's really heavy and the other's a little lighter.

[Biggus Dickus]

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One's really heavy and the other's a little lighter.

OMG- This should be in the "Punishing Puns" thread Joe, not here were we expect to read jokes that are funny!


MODS, I think Joe should be punished for this...I mean seriously, this is egregious posting.

[Dave]

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One's really heavy and the other's a little lighter.

OMG- This should be in the "Punishing Puns" thread Joe, not here were we expect to read jokes that are funny!


MODS, I think Joe should be punished for this...I mean seriously, this is egregious posting.

Yes, it deserves punishment!