Something I wrote

[User192021]

I'm not much of a writer, but I thought if I put my thoughts down on paper (well, on a Word document), it might better help me understand them and perhaps I would gain new insight.  Let me know if you have any suggestions because I could certainly use them - like I said, I really don't write much.  Sorry for the length, there was so much I wanted to say and it was hard to organize it all in a way that made sense, so I did the best I could.  I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir with this essay, but I wonder if it would make a person who hasn't given their faith much thought, think twice.





From Roman Catholicism to Atheism:  My search for truth


I was raised in what most would consider to be a typical home in the middle class suburbs of Buffalo, NY.  Baptized at birth, forced to attend religious ed every Tuesday, church every Sunday, First Communion, and finally, in my junior year of high school, Confirmation.  I even did something extremely unusual in the Catholic church â€" I continued to attend mass even after I was Confirmed.  Sounds harmless enough.  I had no idea I was being forced to live a life shrouded in fantasy and superstition â€" void of anything resembling common sense or reality.  How could this have happened?  How is it possible that I have been taught to be skeptical of everything, from strangers offering me a ride to what college I choose and even what brand of sneakers I purchase, yet when it comes to the issue of where we came from, I am told to ignore all that rational thought and reason have to say?  Furthermore, how is it possible that my entire family could believe in something for which there simply exists not a shred of verifiable evidence?  These are intelligent, successful people.  People who have raised me to question things that don’t seem right, and to constantly seek truth in matters about which I am unsure.  The answer is a combination of two primary factors; conditioning and a family taboo that no one in my family, to my knowledge, has even flirted with.  An unshakable, undeniable, and completely irrational belief in god.  It still feels weird to say it, or even type it.  

God doesn’t exist.

Yes, definitely still feels weird.  The first question people ask me when they find out that I am an atheist, and certainly the first question my family had for me is, “why?”  To which I predictably reply, “Well, why do you believe in god?”  The way they ask me why I wouldn’t believe in something is remarkable.  As though the existence of god has already been proven and I’m denying the obvious.  The way I see it, it’s quite the opposite â€" I am merely acknowledging the obvious.  I say people who believe in god are the ones denying the obvious when they convince themselves that flimsy “personal” evidence and a book written thousands of years ago that has been translated countless times and contradicts itself throughout, are all they need to believe a supernatural being literally created the universe and everything in it out of nothing.  Why do we humans seem to have so much trouble accepting finality?  Is it the same thing in us that makes it hard to let go of an ex boyfriend or girlfriend?  Let’s face it, as far as we know, nothing happens after you die.  Any suggestion that there is more than what we see, which is nothing, since dead people don’t get up and walk around and don’t come back to tell us anything about a supposed afterlife, is 100% imagination.  Any way you look at it, whether you believe in reincarnation, heaven, hell, purgatory, or any other form of afterlife, you are essentially inventing a story to describe what you hope happens after death.  We would all like to believe that some day everyone will get what they deserve.  It’s the ultimate fantasy.  We will be rewarded for all the good we have done that went unnoticed, forgiven for all the bad we have done, and those who have wronged us will get theirs in the end.  I can’t be the only person who pictured god as my own special friend who was always watching out for me and would make sure everyone who harmed me would pay.  But what evidence did I have for this?  I have to be honest, whenever something happened that didn’t fit my idea of what god was and what he was supposed to be doing for me, like getting shot down by a girl or losing out on a promotion, I ignored it, dismissing it as “God’s mysterious ways”.  Yet when something happened which seemed even remotely close to what I had prayed for, I hailed it as a miracle; yet another piece of empirical evidence for god’s existence.  It wasn’t until I was able to take a clear look at life through the lens of an atheist that I could see the absurdity of the significance I placed on these random turns of events.

I suppose it started when I began reading literature written by atheists and watching video clips of atheists such as Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris speak that I began to seriously question what I had always taken for granted.  Ironically, I originally began to read up on the atheist viewpoint in an attempt to understand “my opposition.”  I wanted to know how, or why, any sensible person would even suggest that god doesn’t exist.  â€œWhat is wrong with these people?” I would ask myself.  I ignorantly assumed that something terrible must have happened to them in their lives causing them to forever give up on their faith.  But wait, does that make any sense?  According to the Bible, the greatest sin a person can commit, the one sin that will absolutely, positively, guarantee you a place in hell, is denying the existence of god.  So let me get this straight, god decides to have something tragic happen in Richard Dawkins’ life, knowing it will cause him to lose faith in his existence, since god is omniscient, and then send him to hell for all of eternity?  Hold on a minute.  Richard Dawkins has done more for mankind than most religious people.  He even has his own foundation for the advancement of science â€" something which has made our lives longer and more comfortable, a claim religion certainly cannot make.  In fact, let’s assume nothing tragic has happened in the life of an atheist.  Why would god send an atheist to hell for not believing in him when all the atheist is guilty of is reaching a logical conclusion based on the evidence before him?  I can’t see god, I can’t hear god, and he’s never answered any of my prayers with a greater probability than mere chance.  Using my ability to reason â€" supposedly a god-given skill, I can logically assume that god probably doesn’t exist.  And this is all it takes to earn me a spot in eternal torment?  What if I do lots of good in my life?  For me, this is just one of several scenarios that not only defy common sense, but require me to actively ignore everything I know about logic and reason.  Faith calls for a compartmentalization of the mind that is so irrational and based on so little evidence that it goes completely against everything I stand for as an intelligent human being.  If human beings applied the same anti-logic required to believe in god, to other aspects of our existence such as hunting, we never would have survived for the past 200,000 years.

One false assumption I run into a lot, and used to hold onto myself, was that atheism must be a dismal way to live one’s life.  What is there to look forward to?  Indeed, what is the point of an atheist’s life?  Well, to understand this, I have to ask the question, “What was the point of my life when I was Catholic?”  The proper Catholic answer to this question is to get into heaven, of course.  But I don’t think that was my purpose in life just a few short months or even years ago, when I really did believe god existed.  I think my purpose was to be happy.  I know it sounds cliché, but it’s the truth.  I don’t need lots of stuff, I don’t need glory or power or influence or fame â€" just a little peace and calmness in my life.  That’s it.  Catholicism offered nothing of the sort.  All believing in the Judeo-Christian god had to offer to me was some guilt, confusion, and plenty of self-doubt.  Ok, lots of confusion.  For example, I work hard for the little I have, I enjoy having it, in fact I even enjoy working for it, but the Bible tells me I have to give it all away to get into heaven.  All of it.  Everything.  Practically nobody does that, so does that mean heaven is like a pre-season women’s college basketball game?  A huge arena with lots of empty seats?  But the Bible also says god forgives our sins and nobody is beyond redemption.  So does that mean if we repent once we are in hell, that we can eventually get to heaven?  But I thought hell was for eternity.  And I’m drawn to the question, yet again, of why would god punish us for something he knew 3-5% of the population would do â€" not believe in him when he provided us with no tangible evidence of his existence?  Isn’t that something like punishing a child for breaking a rule you never told the child about?  It’s all very confusing.  Maybe I’m not intelligent enough to understand the complexities of the Catholic faith.  Or maybe it just doesn’t make a lick a’ sense.  The truth is, atheism has enriched my life beyond my wildest fantasies about heaven and salvation.  I believe, with all of my heart, that this is the only life we get.  It is short, beautiful, filled with wonder and tiny moments that truly make life worth living, and should be embraced and lived to its absolute fullest.  Not diluted and contaminated with guilt, supernatural ritual, and unreason.

[Kestrel]

Honest, clear and well written.
Thanks for sharing that.

[SteveS]

I enjoyed reading this.  One thing that I found when I starting reading/listening to the popular atheists, and then other Atheists,  was that I was amazed at how similar their thoughts were to my own.  I was always a kind of "closet intellectual", I thought a lot, read a lot, but I didn't really talk to a lot of people.  So, I was truly surprised at how similar my thoughts and conclusion were to things that other people had come up with.

Apart from the fact that I was not raised in a religious home, so much of what you say here describes myself, or my own experiences,  as well.  Here's some comments:

The first question people ask me when they find out that I am an atheist, and certainly the first question my family had for me is, “why?” To which I predictably reply, “Well, why do you believe in god?” The way they ask me why I wouldn’t believe in something is remarkable. As though the existence of god has already been proven and I’m denying the obvious. The way I see it, it’s quite the opposite â€" I am merely acknowledging the obvious.

Major empathy vibes kicking in here!  Picture Morpheus from the Matrix leaning forward with sudden intensity and saying "I know EXACTLY what you mean".

Usually, when I say this, I get a lot of questions that would appear to have nothing to do with whether or not God exists, like:

1) What is the purpose of life?  (why does there have to be an external, absolute purpose?  Where did this rule come from?  We have no problem thinking that other lives (plants, animals, bacterias, etc.) do not have purpose, so why ours?  What is the purpose of the life of a lily pad?)

-or-

2) Then where do morals come from? (uh, evolution?  human being = social animal, morals = social behaviour, is this really that hard to accept?)

a book written thousands of years ago that has been translated countless times and contradicts itself throughout

And yet, you have people who claim it doesn't.  In fact, these same people usually tell you that if you read it you'll agree.  But how do they think I came up with my opinion?  So it always makes me wonder if THEY ever actually read it.  If they did, how can they say this?  Or do you have to read it with "the glasses of faith" (credit to Julia Sweeney) to understand?  And yet, if the Bible is the inspiration for faith, but you need faith to read it correctly ...... aren't we going around in a circle? (look kids, there's Big Ben!)

Let’s face it, as far as we know, nothing happens after you die. Any suggestion that there is more than what we see, which is nothing, since dead people don’t get up and walk around and don’t come back to tell us anything about a supposed afterlife, is 100% imagination.

Yeah, I noticed this too.  Here's something I get a kick out of.  Somebody who believes in the "spirit world", or some such, says "why do think that all we can detect (with our senses, or scientifically, or whatever) is all there is?" ??? Is this a trick question?  How about, "because we can't detect anything else".

We would all like to believe that some day everyone will get what they deserve. It’s the ultimate fantasy. We will be rewarded for all the good we have done that went unnoticed, forgiven for all the bad we have done, and those who have wronged us will get theirs in the end.

Yes - in fact, I feel that I get a "moral boost" from Atheism.  If truly evil people do not, in the end, get their just deserts, then aren't their actions even that much more reprehensible?  Dr. Mangala got away with it, and it will never be "made right".  Realizing that this life is all we have to make it right with made me realize that all we have to do so is each other.

Maybe I’m not intelligent enough to understand the complexities of the Catholic faith.

Doubtful

Or maybe it just doesn’t make a lick a’ sense.

That's it!

I believe, with all of my heart, that this is the only life we get. It is short, beautiful, filled with wonder and tiny moments that truly make life worth living, and should be embraced and lived to its absolute fullest. Not diluted and contaminated with guilt, supernatural ritual, and unreason.

Absolutely!

Again, I enjoyed reading this, thanks!
Steve

[donkeyhoty]

(look kids, there's Big Ben!)

If there was a god, there would be no such thing as a roundabout.

[Byrath]

Thanks for sharing, I too enjoyed reading it.
The only thing I might recommend would be to somehow chop it up into two or three times as many paragraphs. That may make it easier to read for those who are distracted or have weaker reading skills. I found it slightly difficult to stay focused with the wife talking and cats mewling in the background.
Overall though, very good, and written in a way that (I think) most christians could stomach without getting disgusted at 'that damned atheist' and stopping halfway through.

[User192021]

Thanks for sharing, I too enjoyed reading it.
The only thing I might recommend would be to somehow chop it up into two or three times as many paragraphs. That may make it easier to read for those who are distracted or have weaker reading skills. I found it slightly difficult to stay focused with the wife talking and cats mewling in the background.
Overall though, very good, and written in a way that (I think) most christians could stomach without getting disgusted at 'that damned atheist' and stopping halfway through.

Thanks for the advice.  I wrote it very quickly and in a "free flowing" manner, so it's probably all over the place.  I'm thinking of rearranging parts of it and, like you mentioned, chopping it up some more for readability's sake.

Thanks everyone for your input.  SteveS, it actually doesn't surprise me that you found my thoughts to be eerily similar to your own.  Atheists seem to think in similar patterns and use the same arguments to make our points (flying Spaghetti monster, who created god?, etc...).

I submitted it to a short story forum just to get some (hopefully) professional feedback on the writing (not necessarily on my beliefs).  They wouldn't even post it.  I convinced myself they're Christians.   :?

[SteveS]

If there was a god, there would be no such thing as a roundabout.

HAHA!!  They aren't really "intelligently designed", are they?

SteveS, it actually doesn't surprise me that you found my thoughts to be eerily similar to your own. Atheists seem to think in similar patterns and use the same arguments to make our points

As I'm realizing (and enjoying).  When I said I didn't really talk to many people, I should have said many Atheists.  Only my brothers, but they grew up in the same house, and are genetically related, so I never made much of it.  I was mostly trying to fend off friends or acquaintances who were launching conversion attempts on me.

[Byrath]

On the other hand, I'm finding that we atheists are all over the map politically, socialist, anarchist, liberal, conservative. As a socialist, I do think it might actually be possible to have a discussion with an atheist conservative though, whereas it would be impossible with a member of the 'religious right'.

[User192021]

On the other hand, I'm finding that we atheists are all over the map politically, socialist, anarchist, liberal, conservative. As a socialist, I do think it might actually be possible to have a discussion with an atheist conservative though, whereas it would be impossible with a member of the 'religious right'.

I would say in general Atheists tend to be pretty open minded, certainly moreso than most religious people, especially fundies.  I guess this comes from the "free thinking" mentality that seems to lead people to atheism.  Don't forget however, there are also staunch Atheists who are somewhat incapable of carrying on a polite conversation with someone who disagrees with them - but they appear to be rare.

[Scrybe]

Hi User.  Despite the self-deprecation concerning your writing skills, I found your post to be very easy to read and understand.  I'm glad you seem to have gotten over your fear of Hell®.  I'll give you a few pointers from a Christian's perspective.  Phrases like, "… forced to live a life shrouded in fantasy and superstition â€" void of anything resembling common sense or reality." Are too dogmatic to invite anyone who disagrees with that assessment to continue reading.  Instead, I would recommend leading the reader to that conclusion on their own.  Say why you think a specific doctrine or belief is fantastical without actually calling it such.

The part about Richard Dawkins helping humanity more than religious people seems highly questionable to me.  I'm sure you don't need me to list all the visionaries of science who claimed to be Christians.  (Though I will never argue that they actually were!)

Your examination of the main contradictions in orthodox Christianity was well thought out and convincing.  

Overall it was an enjoyable read.  Open and emotional enough to be accessible, but not overly zealous and patronizing.  (minus the aforementioned phrases.)  

Keep digging, learning and growing!