Marriage - why do atheists do it?

[Smarmy Of One]

I am not asking this question to be facetious or to antagonize and I apologize if this post comes off like a rant, but I seriously don't understand why non-religious people get married.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 12 years. We are on our second house together. Neither of us has any interest in getting married.

I mean, isn't it just to sanctify a union under god? We are both atheists, so the act is meaningless. Just another means of control by the church or state, like baptism.

I checked with my lawyer and the only benefit of a marriage under the law is that if one spouse dies, the other is automatically assumed as the beneficiary of the estate. However, my will covers this already.

I just don't get it. If any married or planning to get married atheists out there care to share their reasons, I really want to know.  :?

[SteveS]

As long as I'm married, my medical coverage through work covers my non-working wife.  This was a heck of a good reason!  The insurance will not cover non-spouses.

BTW, we were married by a retired judge in a chapel - no church required, and the reception was a great party.  Another good reason :wink:

[Smarmy Of One]

Parties are fun.

I am covered by my girlfriends' benefits and she is also under mine. I don't know the law in the US, but in Canada, common-law relationships are treated as equal to married.

[maielle]

Well.. I'm very much in love with my boyfriend and we've promised to get married some day. We're both atheists. If we some day have children and we wouldn't be married, the father (in this case my boyfriend ) would have to sign a paper to prove that he actually is the father. In Finland it's like that. I don't know about other countries.

There are other legal problems, too. We have inheritance tax here in Finland. If I happened to die and I had a will, my boyfriend would have to pay this stupid tax. But if we were married he wouldn't have to pay (at least not that much. I don't know much it is...).

I'm not actually sure why I want to be married in the future. The wedding is surely not going to happen in a church. It's actually impossible because I'm not "a member" of the Finnish lutheran church anymore. The wedding isn't going to be religious in any way. (My brothers also got married in magistrate.)

Maybe it's just because many couples are married. Maybe I'd like to make our future more simple. Or maybe I'm a little princess even if I don't want to admit it. ^^

[Smarmy Of One]

Thanks for your incredibly honest reply, maielle.

The whole tax thing is understandable and is also completely discriminatory. I guess the abolishment of it should be on the agenda for equal rights and privileges for atheists. I am not sure if such a tax exists in Canada. My lawyer certainly never mentioned it in my Q&A.

[Will]

It makes sense from a legal standpoint. Taxes, visitation, etc., all the rights afforded to a spouse, are very important. Also, I get to meet a judge! Judges are cool.

Remember, marriage is only a sacred union if you're delusional. Just look at it as a pairing that can, if necessary, be abolished in the future. There's really no need to read religious meaning into it, and atheists can have ceremonies.

[McQ]

I'd have to agree that in the US at least, the legal and financial gains of being married would be a good reason.

When my wife and I were married, I was not an atheist. Now it's just cheaper to keep her.  

[Bella]

I'm not married but I plan to be someday. Besides that I think it's romantic, I think people take you more seriously. Also, when and if I have a baby, I want it to have the most stable home possible. I'm not delusional, I know that marriage isn't permanent, but it's a lot harder to walk away from a husband or wife than a boyfriend or girlfriend and having a baby isn't exactly easy on a relationship. I guess I would say that it's one way to organize society... kind of the same way that last names work.

Now, as for the actual wedding ceremony, I'm a bit confused. I'm sure not going into a church with a minister to say my wedding vows before god. ::puke I was thinking on the cliffs of a beach somewhere... but I don't know how the ceremony would work for athiests?

[Will]

Galapagos! You can see finches evolve while you elope.

[tacoma_kyle]

Word Bella.

Well not on the romantic part... I swear I swear!


The actually process of marriage will suck ass. Too much work...

[Whitney]

There are both legal and social reasons why people may choose to get married (it doesn't have to be a religous ceremony, ours certainly wasn't).  I don't not feel that the idea of marriage is exclusively a religious one.

For me it was because I like the idea of marriage and what it represents about us as a couple (no one said the reason had to be completely rational).  There are also benefits related to taxes, medical rights (for instance, your spouse gets to decide to pull the plug or not instead of your parents), insurance, and things of that nature which didn't really have much of an influence on why I wanted to get married.

[Sophie]

laetusatheos, I agree with you.  When I got married, I was a devout Christian.  When I deconverted, one of the main reasons it wigged out my husband was because we'd always viewed marriage in the Catholic way - a Sacramental union of a man and a woman in God.  Even now, when I type that, I imagine a sort of glowing, luminous cloud surrounding us.  So yeah, delusional.  He doesn't picture that whole thing, but the idea is that you're mystically connected after that.  We both realized that when I stopped believing in the supernatural, that all went away.  I reassured him (and continue to by the way I live) that I believe we are united in love and in our commitment to each other.  I don't really act any differently towards him, which should show that the deeply religious view of marriage isn't necessary.  It falls in line with the truth that one doesn't need religion to have good morals and ethical behavior.  That comes from one's own mind, and the culture in which they're raised, in my opinion.  

In hindsight, I'd favor the living together thing, and perhaps have a sentimental/romantic commitment ceremony (like many gay people do now).  In our society in the US, the legal/tax ramifications give reason to have at least a civil marriage.  I have a friend that got a certificate online for $20 to be a "reverend" and he legally performed the marriage ceremony for his sister and her fiance.  

[MommaSquid]

Legal, financial and social reasons to get married, especially when there are children involved, make marriage worth the effort.  I wish more people would understand that it takes work every day and not rush in and out of relationships.




Hubby and I had a nice civil ceremony under a mimosa tree (like the one in the picture.).  The relatives didn't seem to mind the venue and no one asked questions.  Their lack of curiosity always amazes me.   I think they secretly know I'm an atheist but have always been too afraid to ask.  

[Steve Reason]

Interesting topic. Of course with my face, and my bank account, it's not something I'll have to worry about.

But I'd say it's still a good idea, because I imagine it gives you a sense of solidarity that you might not otherwise have. Plus I'm sure it makes you all warm and fuzzy. But it certainly isn't for everyone. I guess I'd do it for legal reasons. Plus, if some lady wanted to marry me, I might question her sanity, but I sure wouldn't let something like marriage get in the way of my happiness.  

[Sophie]

Steve Reason: Aw, honey, I'm sure you're not that bad looking!  Studies have shown that being confident and upbeat (not Tony Robbins annoying, but like Drew Carey or Hugh Laurie) are more important than looks.

I have a dear girlfriend that feels "terminally single," but when we talk about life, we have the same amount of negatives and positives.  *shrug*

Sorry if that's too mother hen-ish.  :-/  I just enjoy your posts, and hate to see anyone be down on themselves.  We all do it, but it sucks.

*cyberhug*
sophie