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Jokes Thread (Was named Anyone know any good jokes ? I'll start :D )

Started by no_god_know_peace, November 10, 2011, 12:46:34 AM

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Biggus Dickus

Did you hear about the guy with 5 penises?



His boxers fit like a glove.
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

joeactor


xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Tom62

Some SJW craziness:  "I'm offended by my shadow, because it is black and that is cultural appropriation" (TJ Kirk)
The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

Davin

Some Russian political humor.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_political_jokes

A man was reported to have said: "Nikolay is a moron!" and was arrested by a policeman. "No, sir, I meant not our respected Emperor, but another Nikolay!" - "Don't try to trick me: if you say moron, you are obviously referring to our tsar!"

And

The winter's passed,
The summer's here.
For this we thank
Our party dear!
Always question all authorities because the authority you don't question is the most dangerous... except me, never question me.

Tom62

The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

Tank

If anyone tells you they intend to have a vigorous love-life until the day they die, you should hold eye contact, smile really big, and say, "Nah, mate. Longer than that."
If religions were TV channels atheism is turning the TV off.
"Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of doubt." ― Richard P. Feynman
'It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.' - Terry Pratchett
Remember, your inability to grasp science is not a valid argument against it.

Dave

Quote from: Tank on May 18, 2018, 08:33:36 PM
If anyone tells you they intend to have a vigorous love-life until the day they die, you should hold eye contact, smile really big, and say, "Nah, mate. Longer than that."

Necrophilia is dead boring!
Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

Arturo

Quote from: Dave on May 18, 2018, 09:05:40 PM
Quote from: Tank on May 18, 2018, 08:33:36 PM
If anyone tells you they intend to have a vigorous love-life until the day they die, you should hold eye contact, smile really big, and say, "Nah, mate. Longer than that."

Necrophilia is dead boring!

You can't stop me. I will die doing what I love.
It's Okay To Say You're Welcome
     Just let people be themselves.
     Arturo The1  リ壱

Tom62

The universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on government contract.
Robert A. Heinlein

Dave

The truth - and how to use it.

The skipper and first mate had crewed together, in a sort of mutual love/hate relationship, for 32 years. In port one of them always remained on duty on the little tramp steamer when the other went ashore.

It was the first mate's turn for shore leave. He was a moderate and responsible drinker and had not been drunk for years. However, he met two very old and once very close friends in the pub and got well into reminiscing. Unbeknown, and unnoticed, one of the friend's started getting doubles for them all. Consequently the mate got somewhat more than three sheets to the wind.

On returning to the ship the skipper was furious, "I will record it in the log that you returned from shore drunk!"

"Aw, c'mon, Skipper, this is the first time in 32 years!" responded the mate.

"So what, it is still the truth and as such must be recorded in the log!"

Unhappy the mate wondered how to repay the Skipper's obduracy.

So, when the Skipper returned the next night the mate wrote in the log, "The captain returned sober."

The Skipper exploded, "I have never, ever returned drunk to this ship!"

"Then," replied the mate, "what I have written in the log is the verifiable truth."




Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

Arturo

It's Okay To Say You're Welcome
     Just let people be themselves.
     Arturo The1  リ壱

Arturo

It's Okay To Say You're Welcome
     Just let people be themselves.
     Arturo The1  リ壱