Hi from Oz

[Bolero]

Hello, my name's Bolero, and I'm an atheist.

I'm a female in my early thirties from Brisbane, Australia, and until recently was posting on the Richard Dawkins forum.  They've locked it for the next 30 days while they change the website, and apparently the whole format is going to change so that there won't be a forum per se....anyway, so I'm looking for another atheist forum home in the meantime.

Briefly:  Am married to a fundamentalist Christian, and need a constant supply of well-researched counter-religious dogma arguments in order to prevent myself going crazy.  Hubby has had religious counsel from his church that he should stay with me and try to convert me, despite him feeling very strongly that we are incompatible and "unevenly yoked" (Old Testament reference).  I ... don't know what I feel, except that he's an intelligent man for whom there is a (remote) possibility that reason and logic may triumph.  Oh, and I love him, and it's breaking my heart to see him so caught up in irrational superstition.

Yep, that's the size of it.

Catch you on the forum.
Bolero.

[i_am_i]

Hi Bolero, and welcome.

Was he a fundamentalist Christian when you met him? And at that time, were you an atheist?

[pinkocommie]

Welcome to the forum!  I look at fundamentalism as a kind of Borg army - assimilate or you are the enemy.  I hope you and your husband can reconcile your differences despite this.  And I might be wrong about my general attitude regarding fundamentalism.  Is it possible for a fundamentalist to be with a non fundamentalist and still be considered a True Fundamentalist (tm)?  Anyway, I'm glad you're trying.  Love is always worth trying for, in my idealistic opinion.  

[Bolero]

Hi Bolero, and welcome.

Was he a fundamentalist Christian when you met him? And at that time, were you an atheist?

Yes, and yes.

In the early years of our marriage, I tried going along to church.  Having been raised by atheist parents, I thought maybe I hadn't given the religion thing a fair go.  So I did - honestly and sincerely gave it a chance to convince me.  I wanted my marriage to work, and thought that if I could find ... something ... in this church business, we'd be OK.

About 18 months ago, I stopped going to church with him, and then about 6 months ago I told him I just didn't believe it, and couldn't force my poor brain to be that illogical all the time.  He hasn't taken it well.  We had our first major argument about creationism vs evolution about two weeks ago, and he came out of it insisting we get divorced.  As I mentioned above, his church counselled him out of that idea, but now we have this issue that - frankly - I'm a bit scared to confront, because I think it's ultimately going to end in divorce.

But how do you respect the person you're married to, when they believe something so ludicrous??

[notself]

Bolero,

You are in a tough place.  I live in the Ozarks of Arkansas, USA also known as the Bible Belt.  I have lots of experience with fundamentalist Christians and it will be a miracle if things work out in your marriage.  First of all, fundamentalists are required by their faith to convert everyone they meet.  Your husband will keep pressuring you to convert as long as he remains a fundamentalist.  The second problem for you is how fundamentalists view women.  The believe that women must obey their husbands in all things.  This is not good news.

While you keep trying to hold your marriage together, use your spare time to investigate divorce laws and property settlement laws.  Do not stay so long in this situation that you just abandon your rights because you feel guilty.  Fundamentalists are extremely good at transferring guilt and making those who disagree with them the bad guys.

I hope that things work out for you and for your husband.  He probably is a really nice guy but as a sincere fundamentalist Christian he is brain damaged.  

[i_am_i]

But how do you respect the person you're married to, when they believe something so ludicrous??

I suppose you can respect anyone, and their right to believe what they believe, but I submit that at the end of the day what really matters is respecting yourself and doing what's right for you.