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Things that make you chuckle

Started by Dave, September 06, 2017, 06:32:33 PM

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joeactor


Essie Mae

I'm not so sure. WHY don't they want him in the library?
Hell is empty and all the devils are here. Wm Shakespeare


Buddy

I had to go get my fingerprints done at the police station for my new job and the entire place reeked of weed lol.
Strange but not a stranger<br /><br />I love my car more than I love most people.

Dave

Quote from: Buddy on February 12, 2018, 08:17:50 PM
I had to go get my fingerprints done at the police station for my new job and the entire place reeked of weed lol.

Probably just been on a drugs bust and were, er, testing the evidence to be sure they vould make charges stick.
Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Dave

Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

Davin

Always question all authorities because the authority you don't question is the most dangerous... except me, never question me.

Biggus Dickus

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, and the podiatrist's office says, "What seems to be the problem, moth?"

The moth says "What's the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I don't even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don't know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there... at night I...I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that's on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don't know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the...in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch... I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I... that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn't such a coward, then perhaps...perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all...Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I'm a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I'm not feeling good.

And so the doctor says, "Moth, man, you're troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?"

And the moth says, "'Cause the light was on."
"Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair."

hermes2015

"Eventually everything connects - people, ideas, objects. The quality of the connections is the key to quality per se."
― Charles Eames

joeactor

Quote from: Papasito Bruno on February 22, 2018, 04:19:46 PM
A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, and the podiatrist's office says, "What seems to be the problem, moth?"

The moth says "What's the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I don't even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don't know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there... at night I...I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that's on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don't know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the...in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch... I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I... that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn't such a coward, then perhaps...perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all...Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I'm a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I'm not feeling good.

And so the doctor says, "Moth, man, you're troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?"

And the moth says, "'Cause the light was on."


;D ;D ;D

xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Dave

Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

joeactor


xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Dave

Conversation heard, between two elderlyish men (from their voices), hidden from me by a wall:

"Well your's is certainly stiffer than mine, can I have a go with it?"

"OK, but watch it, the head's a bit wobbly!"

On rounding the end of the wall I saw they were preoaring to brush the thawing snow off their paths . . .

:geezersay:
Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74