Author Topic: Twin Flames  (Read 520 times)

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Twin Flames
« on: June 30, 2017, 02:02:23 PM »
I have something interesting to share. Recently I met a woman who is supposed to be my tutor in mental healthcare. Basically I'm autistic so it may be a matter of not understanding her feelings. But as for romance and love I'm very much into it (personally) and I feel like we connect on a very deep level, and I had a little crush on her.

I may explain too extreme but it really felt like meeting a so-called twin flame, because I had never experienced anything like with her. Apart from that crush it can be any other relationship on a very core/deep level. She really gets something going with me and as far as I can see it comes back to her as well. May I note that the concept of twin flame is very psychological and seems edgy to me. But I can relate to the experience that is being described on websites that I found through Google.

So here goes. First time we met I think she looked at me but I ignored her. Then when she came to my home for tutoring, when we sat down she looked me straight in the eyes and I felt forced to look back. I was overwhelmed. Quite soon I felt like not doing anything with tutoring. Even though anything we did seemed to add up for us. I only met her twice for an hour, and I figured out she's taken, but oh my I rather feel like we should be together as this seems to be such a rare bond! Though it seems she is toxic, she seems to be triggered by me as well in a positive way.

Now I am on holidays having some time and space for myself, and I am thinking about how relationships should be and how lucky I am to have met her.

If you are interested in replying you can Google some information regarding twin flames. What do you think?
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Davin

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2017, 07:48:09 AM »
For the twin flames thing. In my experience, too many people want to say that there is only one other person in the world for another person. A true love, soul mate, and now twin flame. There are billions of people on the planet, the odds that you'll find someone you click well with are pretty good so long as you are putting yourself into situations to find them. I also think that the concept of having only one other person for you to be damaging, in that people will tend to stay in relationships longer than they should and then the relationship turns ugly and they hate each other afterwards. It doesn't have to be that way. People can fall deeply in love, then fall out of love, and part on good terms most of the time.



Now for something tough, I also have Asperger's, and you've said some things that bring up some concerns. Even for those that do not normally feel emotional attachments, we can still fall into traps that NTs fall into. We're still human, and while there are a lot of differences, there are still a lot of similarities. The biggest trap that we fall into, is saying to ourselves that because our brains don't work the same as theirs, that we won't ever be subject to the same problems that NTs have to worry about. This is not true. Maybe we are impervious to a lot of the traps, but we can still fall for some of them. And then there's the problem of falling into new traps that NTs don't have to worry about.

I'm saying this because a few things light up as warning signs in what you said. That she is your tutor and that she forced eye contact. Most of us, because not all of those with Asperger's are the same, avoid eye contact for one reason or another, mostly because we don't like it. Because she is a tutor, she likely tutors people with similar problems, so she knows how to deal with people like us. It's not a common thing to be treated like an equal, and when it happens, we have to be careful not to read too much into that.

It's like we are aliens from another planet unable to fully grasp the social conventions and always being treated like an outsider even by family members, so when a person treats us like people, it's tough not to see it as them liking us more than they actually do. And they may genuinely like us, but that doesn't mean they like us in a romantic sense. We also have to worry about being taken advantage of.

I've been in your shoes before, so I'm fairly certain that almost nothing will dissuade you from your current chain of thought. But I also know that when things go wrong, you will also likely remember that I said this because after reading this you will want to show that I am wrong. I too hope that I am wrong and will be happy to be shown wrong.

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Claireliontamer

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2017, 08:20:29 AM »
I actually find the whole concept of 'Twin Flames' quite mentally dangerous.  It implies that you need another person to make you complete and that we are all dependent on another person and unless we find this one person then we'll never be truly satisfied.

It just doesn't seem a very healthy attitude to me.  Other people should enhance our lives and improve them but they shouldn't be the whole purpose for living.  It should be our own responsibility to be happy and to personally grow. 

Arturo

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2017, 01:14:54 PM »
I'd be concerned and try to feel her out more. And then I'd ask her flat out if she loves me or not. I've been in your situation before too, just like Davin. I didn't like the way the relationship ended up and I became psychotic for it. I would rather not go through the situation again

Take care.
But, uh...well there it is.
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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2017, 05:22:34 PM »
I actually find the whole concept of 'Twin Flames' quite mentally dangerous.  It implies that you need another person to make you complete and that we are all dependent on another person and unless we find this one person then we'll never be truly satisfied.

It just doesn't seem a very healthy attitude to me.  Other people should enhance our lives and improve them but they shouldn't be the whole purpose for living.  It should be our own responsibility to be happy and to personally grow.

Agree.
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God

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #5 on: July 07, 2017, 12:57:53 PM »
Thanks for replying. I am also really glad to read that people have had similar experiences.

To be honest, through my life experiences I have learned a few things about truth and relative truth. I am still learning regarding the fact that there is no such thing as "true love", but that some relationships would be quite rare. That is true and realistic.

I could ask her if she loves me but she's still in her twenties so I'm wondering what to do. In such connection it wouldn't matter because there's no comparing, perhaps only contemplating. Either way we seem to both be benefiting and my guess is it's better to know what we're up to.

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2017, 03:10:52 PM »
Now for something tough, I also have Asperger's, and you've said some things that bring up some concerns. Even for those that do not normally feel emotional attachments, we can still fall into traps that NTs fall into.

Thanks to you personally Davin. I have to admit I met a woman on holiday, without looking at her I felt suddenly my body reacting. Then I looked at her later and realized as well she'd fit me.

If I look at the big picture now I have the feeling I'm improving on my emotions and may find someone special. Though this tutor seems perfect, the woman I met on holiday was very sociable and good looking. I feel like I understand it a little more now.
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Pasta Chick

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #7 on: July 08, 2017, 03:56:30 PM »
Granted any of our understanding of the situation is limited, but what is written sounds like quite a bit of transference.

Generally one's relationship to a tutor would be considered professional. Which means they are going out of their way to make sure you are satisfied and happy with them, and have education in doing so. As a woman in the work force in general, I can attest to the fact that acting in a normal, friendly manner has earned me the advances of many men who have decided that my doing my job means I find them irresistible. The same is true for pretty much all of my female colleagues (most recently one of the receptionists had a guy pull his shirt up to "show her his tattoo" before asking her out to a bar). To be clear I don't think this is an issue with you being autistic, but a problem with society in general.

Is it possible there is actually something between you? Sure. That definitely does happen. However, I strongly recommend against openly professing your love for someone who is in a relationship after two hours total interaction in a professional setting. If there is something there, take your time with it. But I don't believe in "soul mates" or "twin flames" or whatever else - heck, I'm not even monogamous - so I wouldn't get too hung up on this.

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #8 on: July 08, 2017, 05:27:27 PM »
Granted any of our understanding of the situation is limited, but what is written sounds like quite a bit of transference.

Generally one's relationship to a tutor would be considered professional. Which means they are going out of their way to make sure you are satisfied and happy with them, and have education in doing so. As a woman in the work force in general, I can attest to the fact that acting in a normal, friendly manner has earned me the advances of many men who have decided that my doing my job means I find them irresistible. The same is true for pretty much all of my female colleagues (most recently one of the receptionists had a guy pull his shirt up to "show her his tattoo" before asking her out to a bar). To be clear I don't think this is an issue with you being autistic, but a problem with society in general.
I think when any women takes a power position over a guy the guy gets automatically turned on and attracted to her.

Idk if that's a problem with society or just nature because a girl I know has a similar story where she asked a guy from a foreign country to look her in the eye so she could check something. They were totally fine btw.
But, uh...well there it is.
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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #9 on: July 09, 2017, 12:35:00 AM »
Granted any of our understanding of the situation is limited, but what is written sounds like quite a bit of transference.

Generally one's relationship to a tutor would be considered professional. Which means they are going out of their way to make sure you are satisfied and happy with them, and have education in doing so. As a woman in the work force in general, I can attest to the fact that acting in a normal, friendly manner has earned me the advances of many men who have decided that my doing my job means I find them irresistible. The same is true for pretty much all of my female colleagues (most recently one of the receptionists had a guy pull his shirt up to "show her his tattoo" before asking her out to a bar). To be clear I don't think this is an issue with you being autistic, but a problem with society in general.
I think when any women takes a power position over a guy the guy gets automatically turned on and attracted to her.

Idk if that's a problem with society or just nature because a girl I know has a similar story where she asked a guy from a foreign country to look her in the eye so she could check something. They were totally fine btw.
And in one sentence you have generalised half of the human population. Reactions can also be mutable dependent on expectation and circumstance how long one has known somebody and other factors.
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Arturo

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #10 on: July 09, 2017, 05:05:37 AM »
Granted any of our understanding of the situation is limited, but what is written sounds like quite a bit of transference.

Generally one's relationship to a tutor would be considered professional. Which means they are going out of their way to make sure you are satisfied and happy with them, and have education in doing so. As a woman in the work force in general, I can attest to the fact that acting in a normal, friendly manner has earned me the advances of many men who have decided that my doing my job means I find them irresistible. The same is true for pretty much all of my female colleagues (most recently one of the receptionists had a guy pull his shirt up to "show her his tattoo" before asking her out to a bar). To be clear I don't think this is an issue with you being autistic, but a problem with society in general.
I think when any women takes a power position over a guy the guy gets automatically turned on and attracted to her.

Idk if that's a problem with society or just nature because a girl I know has a similar story where she asked a guy from a foreign country to look her in the eye so she could check something. They were totally fine btw.
And in one sentence you have generalised half of the human population. Reactions can also be mutable dependent on expectation and circumstance how long one has known somebody and other factors.

It was just an anecdote.
But, uh...well there it is.
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Pasta Chick

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #11 on: July 09, 2017, 07:03:43 AM »
 It's definitely not the case across the board, and even if it were I am absolutely not in a position of power over any client through work and never have been, nor have most of my peers.

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #12 on: July 09, 2017, 11:28:21 AM »
I am absolutely not in a position of power over any client through
Probably not. It's an anecdote like I said but the girl I mentioned was working under the guy so maybe it has to be perceived power.
But, uh...well there it is.
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Davin

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2017, 08:01:03 AM »
To be clear I don't think this is an issue with you being autistic, but a problem with society in general.
I agree, it's definitely not an issue specific to autism, but there are for certain differences between someone with ASD and those without. It's like how getting grossed out about germs isn't specifically a germaphobe issue, but clearly there is a difference between them and a normal person.

Though I do think that if society grew up a little more, the problem would be less common.

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Re: Twin Flames
« Reply #14 on: July 11, 2017, 07:14:28 PM »
Since there's some interest on the topic, I think it'd be nice to share my new idea about what I think may be going on.

I forgot that I actually met her twice before she came to my house. Both times I refused to look at her as in having an interest or it being a "love on first sight". First time I was friendly to her and formal, I only looked at her shortly. Second time she peeked around the door and I refused to look at her. Since she's very good looking my guess is that she may have been expecting my attention, which would be the reason why she looked at me strongly when she visited me. I still think we have some "click" at least, and my guess is she is confused now about our contact like she doesn't know what's going on or what she wants (she's trying to be formal but fails horribly and I think she's avoiding me now. This has actually been described in the twin flame information by the way).

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