Re: Reasons To Be Grumpy thread

[Velma]

Drat!

I vacuumed the lounge carpet earlier - it was about its 21st birthday after all, laid the year before my heart attack.   

Then I washed the bed linen, the black stuff.

Remember my place is tiny, a few steps between each area.

What I did not notice was that a Kleenex had got caught up with the bedding. Notice I said Kleenex, specific not the now generic kleenex - it is significant.

The tissue broke up into tiny pieces, little white bits all over the black bedding . . .    A lot of those shed onto the kitchen floor. Before I could sweep them up a proportion of those stuck to the soles of my slippers.

Can you guess where this is going!

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

Kleenex turn to mush almost as easily as toilet tissue - I normally use a brand called Saxon, they do not mush up in the machine but are still fairly gentle on the schnozzle.

Oh, that reminds me...I've got to put tissues on my shopping list! 

[Dave]

Drat!

I vacuumed the lounge carpet earlier - it was about its 21st birthday after all, laid the year before my heart attack.   

Then I washed the bed linen, the black stuff.

Remember my place is tiny, a few steps between each area.

What I did not notice was that a Kleenex had got caught up with the bedding. Notice I said Kleenex, specific not the now generic kleenex - it is significant.

The tissue broke up into tiny pieces, little white bits all over the black bedding . . .    A lot of those shed onto the kitchen floor. Before I could sweep them up a proportion of those stuck to the soles of my slippers.

Can you guess where this is going!

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

Kleenex turn to mush almost as easily as toilet tissue - I normally use a brand called Saxon, they do not mush up in the machine but are still fairly gentle on the schnozzle.

Oh, that reminds me...I've got to put tissues on my shopping list! 

Oh, so glad my misfortune has provided a positive outcome for you, Velma . . .

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

[Velma]

Drat!

I vacuumed the lounge carpet earlier - it was about its 21st birthday after all, laid the year before my heart attack.   

Then I washed the bed linen, the black stuff.

Remember my place is tiny, a few steps between each area.

What I did not notice was that a Kleenex had got caught up with the bedding. Notice I said Kleenex, specific not the now generic kleenex - it is significant.

The tissue broke up into tiny pieces, little white bits all over the black bedding . . .    A lot of those shed onto the kitchen floor. Before I could sweep them up a proportion of those stuck to the soles of my slippers.

Can you guess where this is going!

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

Kleenex turn to mush almost as easily as toilet tissue - I normally use a brand called Saxon, they do not mush up in the machine but are still fairly gentle on the schnozzle.

Oh, that reminds me...I've got to put tissues on my shopping list! 

Oh, so glad my misfortune has provided a positive outcome for you, Velma . . .

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

At least something good came out of it. 

I've left tissues in my pocket when I put my clothes in the washer. It really does make a huge mess.

[Asmodean]

I'm trying out a Volvo S90 these days, and... I loathe it.

It's a very pretty (while being a Volvo, and excluding those weird rear lights), big, luxury car with plenty of power and a tiny electric motor in the boot so that you can feel good and environmental-like about burning all that petrol in its other end. Further, it has very comfortable and very adjustable air-conditioned seats with massage, one of them automated sun cutrains over the back window and pretty much enough bells and whistles to almost rival an expensive Mercedes. That's before I get into the absolutely flawless quality feel of it. Doesn't sound too terrible, does it? Well, it IS.

This car has NO genitalia. None. You poke it with a stick, and it goes "OK." You try to be vigorous with it, and it goes "Nah." It's so pandering and boring and relentlessly bland, that I can, hand on heart, say that I liked that Caddy with a big (for a Caddy in Norway) engine I drove some weeks ago a whole lot better - and it was a bloody carpenter's van!

I mean, what the hell is the point of having a sport button, when for all practical purposes, all it does is give you a rev counter in stead of some bullshit envirometer you get in the hybrid mode? Where is the stiff suspension, the unforgiving steering, the brakes (A chapter onto themselves. My, but I do hate them hybrids and their spongy-ass cheese-brakes) that will tear your face off from just breathing on the pedal, the accelerator that greets you with a roar and then makes you long-since gone? Where, I ask?! Also, what's the point of a pilot assist, which is so steer-happy that all it does is make your arms tired from constantly fighting it to keep a smooth line? The damned thing is a luxury barge for slightly-fat middle-aged upper managers who fancy themselves good enough to tame the Horse Power™, but only because all they ever drove were things which would not let them do anything even remotely fun.

Come the fuck on, Volvo! You had a gem in the making and you managed to deliver a turd. A highly-polished one, but as a car enthusiast, I can still smell what's inside.

There. Now I feel all better. Back to driving muh turd.

[jumbojak]

I've never been in a luxury car aside from an Audi or Acura that didn't behave exactly as you describe. They may be fast but handling tends not to be their strong suit. I do miss the seat from my Buick. My god, that was a comfortable car.

[Buddy]

As much as I side-eye BMW for making the MINI bigger than it used to, it still handles so well while still being so much more comfortable than the early 2000s models. That only applies to the two door though. The four door Cooper sucks.

[xSilverPhinx]

I drive a Volkswagen Fox. I don't know what that is...it isn't fast and it isn't comfortable. One good thing about it is that it's a tall car for tall people.

It's an ugly car though, I really hate the rear and the clumsy shape. 

[jumbojak]

My integra is reasonably fast for a girl her age, and handles superbly for a front wheel drive car but there is a price to be paid for that handling - you feel every bump and dimple in the road. Every single one.

[Asmodean]

Don't get me wrong, if you compare the Cathedral of Volvo™ to, say, a regular Golf or some such, it's a very, very good car. However, if you compare to expensive Mercs or BMWs, as you should... Then it's just many, many square meters of utter boredom. Also, its hybrid charging cable does not reach the plug if you reverse park. I told you it was made for useless drivers, did I not? Well, there is more proof that that is indeed the case. I mean, who doesn't reverse park?!

[Bluenose]

As much as I side-eye BMW for making the MINI bigger than it used to, it still handles so well while still being so much more comfortable than the early 2000s models. That only applies to the two door though. The four door Cooper sucks.

Ha ha!  My first car was a cherry red 1964 Morris Mini Minor 850.  You think some modern minis are uncomfortable?   

[jumbojak]

The only time I reverse park is when driving a big truck that won't fit going in forward.

[Dave]

Don't get me wrong, if you compare the Cathedral of Volvo™ to, say, a regular Golf or some such, it's a very, very good car. However, if you compare to expensive Mercs or BMWs, as you should... Then it's just many, many square meters of utter boredom. Also, its hybrid charging cable does not reach the plug if you reverse park. I told you it was made for useless drivers, did I not? Well, there is more proof that that is indeed the case. I mean, who doesn't reverse park?!

Well, apologues to our Swedish friends but there used to be a ssying, "Blonde and bland." After their safety testing campaign ads of crashing Volvos the joke slogan was, "Volvos, driven by dummies." A friend used to call his old 1980s Volvo estste his "truck".

http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/corporatejokes/volvojokes.html

[Buddy]

As much as I side-eye BMW for making the MINI bigger than it used to, it still handles so well while still being so much more comfortable than the early 2000s models. That only applies to the two door though. The four door Cooper sucks.

Ha ha!  My first car was a cherry red 1964 Morris Mini Minor 850.  You think some modern minis are uncomfortable?   

Our roads suck and the first generation BMW MINIS had a lot of plastic bits that rattle. On short trips it was fine but on longer drives it was miserable.

[Dave]

As much as I side-eye BMW for making the MINI bigger than it used to, it still handles so well while still being so much more comfortable than the early 2000s models. That only applies to the two door though. The four door Cooper sucks.

Ha ha!  My first car was a cherry red 1964 Morris Mini Minor 850.  You think some modern minis are uncomfortable?   

I had a Mini van, in 1973, painted in red oxide, with sliding windows and the steering wheel was not dead in front of the seat in those old ones- you had to sit slightly sideways. It was fun driving that, with a climbing buddy, from London to Bristol, then to Glen Coe and Fort William, back to the Lake District and back home to London. We slept in it most nights. Got to know every bump and rattle in the car very well!

The starter motor went kaput in Glen Coe. Had to start it by jacking up one front wherl, just off the deck, and my mate winding the wheel with the spanner like starting an old airplane! Local farmer had a scrap Mini in his yard and I had the starter out of that. Canny Scot charged me a tenner for it!

I too had an old Morris Minor - bloody good car, only thing that wrong with it in three years was a snapped throttle return spring. 0 - 60 in, oh, 30 seconds before I managed to switch the engine off and re-unlock the steering to be able to manouver and stop! Four elastic bands was the temporary fix.

[Bluenose]

As much as I side-eye BMW for making the MINI bigger than it used to, it still handles so well while still being so much more comfortable than the early 2000s models. That only applies to the two door though. The four door Cooper sucks.

Ha ha!  My first car was a cherry red 1964 Morris Mini Minor 850.  You think some modern minis are uncomfortable?   

I had a Mini van, in 1973, painted in red oxide, with sliding windows and the steering wheel was not dead in front of the seat in those old ones- you had to sit slightly sideways. It was fun driving that, with a climbing buddy, from London to Bristol, then to Glen Coe and Fort William, back to the Lake District and back home to London. We slept in it most nights. Got to know every bump and rattle in the car very well!

The starter motor went kaput in Glen Coe. Had to start it by jacking up one front wherl, just off the deck, and my mate winding the wheel with the spanner like starting an old airplane! Local farmer had a scrap Mini in his yard and I had the starter out of that. Canny Scot charged me a tenner for it!

I too had an old Morris Minor - bloody good car, only thing that wrong with it in three years was a snapped throttle return spring. 0 - 60 in, oh, 30 seconds before I managed to switch the engine off and re-unlock the steering to be able to manouver and stop! Four elastic bands was the temporary fix.

In Aus they originally called  the mini the morris mini minor, I think trying to cash in on the then good name of the morris minor (they were nevertheless good cars for the time).  My mini had the same off-set steering wheel, sliding windows, a starter button on the floor, headlight dip switch on the floor, a long gear stick (not so good for fast gear changes), clutch, brake and accelerator pedals all slightly left of rather than in front of the driver.  Seats made of steel tubing around the edges with vinyl covered padding in the middle and no head rests - whip lash heaven in a collision.  But it had a wheel at each corner with independent suspension.  Basically handled really well if not very fast - 850 cc engine, there are motor bikes with bigger donks.  Cost almost nothing to run.  I loved my mini!