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Self-help?

Started by Firebird, February 19, 2016, 04:08:17 AM

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Firebird

So I have some issues with anxiety and neuroses, nothing major but it can affect me. Also have been dealing with a bunch of family drama (not with my marriage, thankfully) and wish I was better at achieving certain goals.  I started seeing a therapist about 6 months ago, but I didn't really click with her. Then she conveniently moved practices, so I started seeing someone else about two months ago, but I'm also finding myself not clicking with her. I don't come out of the sessions feeling like it's helping very much.
I saw someone like 10 years ago and she was helpful, but she was also a little nuts (9/11 truther and kept trying to sell "natural" remedies to me). But I've sometimes thought of going back to her.
Or maybe I don't really need therapy? I come from a family that are huge advocates of it no matter what, but unlike them I'm not on meds and I'm not depressed. I'm wondering if I just need a good self-help book, something that's more fact and evidence-based than some of the stuff I've seen out there. Anyone have any suggestions?
"Great, replace one book about an abusive, needy asshole with another." - Will (moderator) on replacing hotel Bibles with "Fifty Shades of Grey"

Sandra Craft

#1
I tried group therapy a couple of times, and I have to say it did make me feel better but only because the others seemed such loons that I felt better by comparison.  I'm pretty sure that was not the intention of therapy.

Anyway, I've got an old self-help book that I've found very useful, it's Self-Creation by George Weinberg.  It's basic behavior modification written by a real psychologist and aimed at people who just need a bit of adjustment, rather than those with major problems.  If you can't find Self-Creation, try looking for his earlier book, The Action Approach.  It's basically the same thing.

btw, interesting side note: Weinberg was the one who coined the term "homophobia".
Sandy

  

"Life is short, and it is up to you to make it sweet."  Sarah Louise Delany

Magdalena

Firebird, what does the therapist who is 'a little nuts' have that the other two don't? Many years ago I went 'therapist shopping'. All of them are so different. I don't like the, "I'm your friend"--approach, I end up listening to their stories when I'm paying them to hear mine. I don't like the bossy ones, they judge you and tell you what you should be doing. I like the ones who guide you through your problems and help you learn to solve your own problems at your own pace.

I had a great therapist, she taught me that she was just a mirror, she would throw everything back to me and made me analyze by behavior. Sometimes I would start to talk about someone else and she would always bring the issue back to me. She was kind of saying, "Ok, you think that woman is a bitch, now let's relate this with what's really going on in your life right now because this is not about that bitch, it's about exploring which button she's pushing inside of you."

She was great, I really liked her.  :tellmemore:
Maybe I should also go back.  :(

"I've had several "spiritual" or numinous experiences over the years, but never felt that they were the product of anything but the workings of my own mind in reaction to the universe." ~Recusant

Claireliontamer

Have you ever looked into mindfulness?  http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Eight-Week-Finding-Peace-Frantic/dp/1609618955/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1455870373&sr=1-1&keywords=mindfulness+williams is the American version of the book I have (in fact it's the one En_Route recommended to me). 

There is tons of research that shows it works, in fact the NHS over here now recommend it in place of medication a lot of the time. 

Davin

When I was seeing a therapist, I had to shop around a bit for one that fit with me. Once I had, I had to learn that the therapist isn't there to fix me, the therapist is there to help me fix myself. The sessions themselves didn't help, working to follow the course of action we discussed in the sessions is what helped me... slowly over several years.

I recommend finding a good therapist over a do it yourself approach, because a decent therapist is far more effective.
Always question all authorities because the authority you don't question is the most dangerous... except me, never question me.

Crow

Quote from: Claireliontamer on February 19, 2016, 08:29:49 AM
Have you ever looked into mindfulness?  http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Eight-Week-Finding-Peace-Frantic/dp/1609618955/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1455870373&sr=1-1&keywords=mindfulness+williams is the American version of the book I have (in fact it's the one En_Route recommended to me). 

There is tons of research that shows it works, in fact the NHS over here now recommend it in place of medication a lot of the time.

I'd recommend this.

Never really had anything mentally to fix in the first place (that I'm aware of) but I was getting really bad headaches because I was always switched on due to work which resulted my muscles in my back becoming one massive knot that physios couldn't remove. I still do meditation everyday for 20 mins and really really enjoy it. I found it a bit intense at first, in fact very intense sometimes it felt like I was drowning but once I had accepted the feeling it disappeared but it took about 5 months of daily sessions to be truly rewarding, though still rewarding up until that point.

I have recommended it to a lot of people but nobody has taken it up but ah well their loss. Apparently some people can have really bad experiences with the deeper sides of mindfulness such as meditation as it brings bad experiences and memories that people might have been avoiding to the forefront, that is definitely true I remembered so much that I had totally forgot about or suppressed but there are many different forms of mindfulness to dip your toe into.
Retired member.

Firebird

Quote from: BooksCatsEtc on February 19, 2016, 05:13:30 AM
Anyway, I've got an old self-help book that I've found very useful, it's Self-Creation by George Weinberg.  It's basic behavior modification written by a real psychologist and aimed at people who just need a bit of adjustment, rather than those with major problems.  If you can't find Self-Creation, try looking for his earlier book, The Action Approach.  It's basically the same thing.

Thanks, I will check into that

Quote from: Magdalena on February 19, 2016, 06:33:40 AM
Firebird, what does the therapist who is 'a little nuts' have that the other two don't?

Hard to really put a finger on it as it was a while ago. It's interesting you mention "talking to a mirror" because that's what I feel with the current one, but almost in an extreme way; everything is just thrown back at me without any additional context or general guideline about how to look at a situation from a different perspective.  I think that's what I'm missing that the first one provided;  not so much bossiness but a different perspective that allowed me to examine my issues from another angle.

Quote from: Davin on February 19, 2016, 02:04:16 PM
When I was seeing a therapist, I had to shop around a bit for one that fit with me. Once I had, I had to learn that the therapist isn't there to fix me, the therapist is there to help me fix myself. The sessions themselves didn't help, working to follow the course of action we discussed in the sessions is what helped me... slowly over several years.

I recommend finding a good therapist over a do it yourself approach, because a decent therapist is far more effective.

What course of action did he/she provide that helped?

Quote from: Crow on February 19, 2016, 02:46:32 PM
Quote from: Claireliontamer on February 19, 2016, 08:29:49 AM
Have you ever looked into mindfulness?  http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Eight-Week-Finding-Peace-Frantic/dp/1609618955/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1455870373&sr=1-1&keywords=mindfulness+williams is the American version of the book I have (in fact it's the one En_Route recommended to me). 

There is tons of research that shows it works, in fact the NHS over here now recommend it in place of medication a lot of the time.

I'd recommend this.

A little bit. This therapist had me download an app (Head Space) which is pre-recorded sessions to guide you into mindfulness. I've only used it a couple of times and haven't been able to stick with it. I probably should try harder. Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll look into that too.
"Great, replace one book about an abusive, needy asshole with another." - Will (moderator) on replacing hotel Bibles with "Fifty Shades of Grey"

Crow

Quote from: Firebird on February 19, 2016, 03:16:31 PM
A little bit. This therapist had me download an app (Head Space) which is pre-recorded sessions to guide you into mindfulness. I've only used it a couple of times and haven't been able to stick with it. I probably should try harder. Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll look into that too.

I use headspace, never tried the book. If you want a code for 3 months free just ask. Just stick with the introductory period daily, essentially it is building up the basics so you can work on the more advanced stuff which is very different from what you do at the beginning of the first three levels.
Retired member.

Firebird

Quote from: Crow on February 19, 2016, 03:28:10 PM
Quote from: Firebird on February 19, 2016, 03:16:31 PM
A little bit. This therapist had me download an app (Head Space) which is pre-recorded sessions to guide you into mindfulness. I've only used it a couple of times and haven't been able to stick with it. I probably should try harder. Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll look into that too.

I use headspace, never tried the book. If you want a code for 3 months free just ask. Just stick with the introductory period daily, essentially it is building up the basics so you can work on the more advanced stuff which is very different from what you do at the beginning of the first three levels.

Sure, thanks! Just message it to me.
"Great, replace one book about an abusive, needy asshole with another." - Will (moderator) on replacing hotel Bibles with "Fifty Shades of Grey"

Davin

Quote from: Firebird on February 19, 2016, 03:16:31 PM
Quote from: Davin on February 19, 2016, 02:04:16 PM
When I was seeing a therapist, I had to shop around a bit for one that fit with me. Once I had, I had to learn that the therapist isn't there to fix me, the therapist is there to help me fix myself. The sessions themselves didn't help, working to follow the course of action we discussed in the sessions is what helped me... slowly over several years.

I recommend finding a good therapist over a do it yourself approach, because a decent therapist is far more effective.

What course of action did he/she provide that helped?
Well that's personal. Not in the way that I feel like I should keep it personal, but because what works for me will not likely work for you. We had decided on many daily exercises to try to complete, worked on making a flexible schedule, and most of all talked about human interactions so that I eventually learned how to talk enough like an NT to get by in most situations without people thinking I'm as socially disadvantaged as I am.

If I abstract it out things that I think are mostly universal, it's something like:

Find out where you are in whatever you want to work on. Set the goal of where you want to be. Make one small change that works towards the goal. Write it down in something, a journal works, but I used gdoc spreadsheets because I have access to them everywhere. When you get that mostly down, make another change. Repeat until you've met the goal. It's OK to evaluate every once in a while. It's OK if it takes a long time. It's OK if you fail, just keep trying. The important thing is to keep working toward the goal.

There are far more people that think they can make huge life changes quickly than there are people that actually can make huge life changes quickly.
Always question all authorities because the authority you don't question is the most dangerous... except me, never question me.

xSilverPhinx

I'm not a big fan of self-help books and programs, but maybe that's because I've never come across a good one. It's not exactly a section of the bookstore that draws me, though. 

In my experience people often get addicted to these types of books, they get hooked on the ideas but don't or can't for some reason actually implement anything that's life-changing. Those that increase awareness might be ok, but the mountains of books out there offering tips aren't worth the paper they're printed on.   
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey