Looking for volunteers (proofreading/suggestions/criticisms)

Started by xSilverPhinx, July 03, 2016, 05:47:44 PM

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xSilverPhinx

I've been working on an adaptation of Macbeth for lower intermediate English language learners and would really appreciate it if some people read it and told me what they think. Corrections (grammar and word usage), suggestions and criticisms welcome. I welcome all criticisms and  suggestions, I would even like to know if you think it's not worth printing on cheap toilet paper and think I should burn it. :smilenod:

My mother read it and liked it but mothers can be more than a little biased, so...

Knowing the story beforehand is not a requirement. It's around 11 A4 pages long, so it shouldn't take up too much of your time.    :)
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Dave

Willing to give it a go, Silver. Have only ever read one of Bill's jobs in college - to compare it with Branagh's movie version, but not unfamiliar with his works on video, never seen Macbeth in full though.

Be interesting to see what you have done with the English construction and use.

Even if I found it, "Not my thing" I would still offer comment. I will admit to being a fussy proof reader but will be gentle with  the "translation" where it keeps the feeling of the original.

Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
Passed Monday 10th Dec 2018 age 74

Recusant

"Religion is fundamentally opposed to everything I hold in veneration — courage, clear thinking, honesty, fairness, and above all, love of the truth."
— H. L. Mencken



Sandra Craft

Sandy

  

"Life is short, and it is up to you to make it sweet."  Sarah Louise Delany

xSilverPhinx

Excellent! :grin:  :frolic: :grin:

:jumps:

Could you guys (and anyone else who would like to volunteer) PM me an e-mail so that I can send you the file? I'll be doing so sometime early this week.:smilenod:

Some extra info:

It's being written in prose but with plenty of dialogue, all in modern English, most of which is faithful in meaning to the original. I've left out some plot points I deemed minor, so if you're familiar with the story and think that I shouldn't have left something out then please let me know. If you aren't familiar with the story, please let me know if you feel there are plot holes or parts haven't been explained well.

It's for people who are learning English and have reached lower intermediate level. Therefore, sentence structure is simple. A glossary will be added. 
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


xSilverPhinx

Almost there!

Gif ahead:

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Recusant

Received, thank you.  :let'seat:

Just in case any of the other readers need it, I've made a PDF version.
"Religion is fundamentally opposed to everything I hold in veneration — courage, clear thinking, honesty, fairness, and above all, love of the truth."
— H. L. Mencken


Sandra Craft

 Got it!  Looks juicy, but then Macbeth always does.
Sandy

  

"Life is short, and it is up to you to make it sweet."  Sarah Louise Delany

xSilverPhinx

Quote from: Recusant on July 05, 2016, 04:12:01 AM
Just in case any of the other readers need it, I've made a PDF version.

Sorry about that, I was so anxious to send it to you all that I forgot to convert it to a more widely used format.
I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


Sandra Craft

I want to thank you for doing this -- it got me to re-read Macbeth again for the first time in many years.  I didn't re-read it before making my comments, since I wanted to be as close as possible to unfamiliar with the story, and I may have been a little too close.  I had forgotten the Norwegian army was involved at all, and assumed they'd be helping out Duncan and not the rebels (so that's one comment you can strike off!).

Macbeth is so entertaining on a soap opera level -- in fact, I think between it and  Midsummer Nights Dream all the tropes are covered, if you allow  abduction by fairies to substitute for abduction by aliens. 
Sandy

  

"Life is short, and it is up to you to make it sweet."  Sarah Louise Delany

xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey


xSilverPhinx

I am what survives if it's slain - Zack Hemsey